Excuse me while I celebrate a good thing. (I've been talking about the bad enough eh?)
I took another step forward today. I reached out. I've made many friends here at SI and everyone always says, "Call me anytime. Just let me know if I can do anything." And I really, really do appreciate the kindness shown to me. The people here are incredible. However, I haven't ever really taken anyone up on the offer.
I have retracted alot since Dday. Turned inward. Being a mouthy, extroverted, non-boundary exercising individual is what brought me here. I have tried to be really careful about sharing too much or being too friendly with people. I don't want to rely on external validation and don't always trust myself with knowing when enough is enough.
Plus (And you've heard this before) I have struggled with being a friend. All my previous friendships (Yes, every single one of them.) are over. They were all toxic. I don't really know how to be a healthy friend. And I feel incredibly awkward.
So anyway, I stuffed my nerves and picked up the phone to call this girl. We spoke for 30 minutes. I can't express how awesome it was to talk to a real live human being, a girl, a friend. Half an hour. That's all it was. We had a really nice time. A good conversation. It was pretty cool.
I finally decided to believe someone who said, "Its ok, call me anytime." and trust they meant it. I acted upon it. And it ended up being really nice.
So thank you Friend. I appreciate it.