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Traits of a faithful spouse

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Wonderingwhy11 posted 5/9/2013 20:59 PM

I found an article on the internet about 8 traits of a faithful husband. They are:
1. He respects women
2. Heís emotionally intelligent
3. He keeps his word
4. He doesnít crave attention
5. Heís secure with himself
6. He is not a daredevil
7. He is grateful for what he has
8. He is a great communicator

My question is if our WSís did not have at least half of these traits can they learn to have them? How has your WS changed since DDay?

My WS admits what he lacks but sometimes admits it is very hard to change.

blakesteele posted 5/9/2013 21:07 PM

Interesting post.

I hope some of these traits can be I am missing a few of these...maybe not TOTALLY lacking them, but lacking them in sufficient levels to swear that I possess them in their entirety.

I feel growth in those deficient areas IS occurring within me. It is difficult, but finding it easier the more I do it....kinda like any new thing.

It gets easier as the more I grow the better I even if the hardness NEVER lessens (and I think it does) the once elusive rewards become real, become known and is a GREAT experience!!!

My original stimulus for this growth was to save my M. But real growth started to occur when I turned my focus for growth away from my marriage and put it on me. I have checked this with my counselor repeatedly...this is NOT a selfish act at dont let yourself feel that way.

We are all imperfect. Change is not only possible, but it is inevitable. Why not do what you can for yourself and make that change a positive one?

NOTE: dont try to change your spouse...that is for him or her to do...for them to decide what they are willing and capable of doing. We merely must state as truthfully and honestly as we can (and that is tough with the emotions revolving around affairs and betrayals) what we need to rebuild our relationships.

I am a BH by the way.

[This message edited by blakesteele at 9:13 PM, May 9th (Thursday)]

BIZZYBEEZ posted 5/9/2013 21:21 PM

It's funny. Before DDay I would have told you he had all of those traits. Today I'm not so sure. I mean how can a person who has all the traits of a faithful spouse still have a lta? Sometimes I wonder if I ever really knew him at all. How can someone wear a mask for 8 years without it slipping off occasionally?

Wonderingwhy11 posted 5/9/2013 22:34 PM

Blakesteele Ė I agree we canít change our spouses. We can only work on ourselves. I donít think we can have all 8 of the traits. It would be nice if we could. I think the list was something to strive for to improve our relationships not just with our spouses but to others as well.

Bizzybeez - Before DDay I never thought WH would ever betray me. I did not give much thought to behaviors and what they could mean. I feel I was very naÔve. I thought he was honest and had integrity. I was wrong. We did not have a perfect marriage and communication was a problem. I did not realize WH could compartmentalize his life. I did not realize he could lie to me. But I do realize why he is the way he is. It is no excuse for what he has done. It just means he needs to understand his behavior and thoughts and heal the feelings from his childhood. That is his work. I have my work. My hope is we can heal together and get through the betrayal. I know I need to learn to trust and get back to a sense of security but I also know WH needs to prove he is trustworthy.

Lucky posted 5/9/2013 22:43 PM

Mr Lucky is, and always was, all of those traits.

I just can't fathom how any of those traits equate to being adulterous.

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