Before I post, I want to apologize in advance for posting and running, it has been a long day - hell it has been a long week - but I need to get this out before I go to bed. I also need to apologize for being a hot mess for the past year and posting only when I have issues and not offering much support. I need to work on this, but I haven't felt like I've been in a real supportive spot lately. Here goes...
How do you give up on having expectations? I'm a people pleaser and am just sick and tired of always ending up disappointed. No one outside of my family is ever there for me when I need it. I'm there to pull my friends up through thick and thin, but when I need anything not a peep. Thank God I do have my family. But it hurts.
I know I am co-dependent and I am working on it. But I'm starting to fear now that I am going the other way. Now I am starting to get to the point where I don't care about anyone, but that doesn't make me feel good either. I just feel like I am always, always disappointed in people. I keep saying I need to expand my social circle and make new friends. Maybe it will help. I am trying to do that, but at the same time I'm being honest with myself. It isn't just my current circle of friends that is like this. It has been this way my whole life. I feel used a lot of the time and it literally makes me sick to my stomach. I'm just starting to get to the point where I don't care. I don't want to do anything for anyone. I don't want anyone bothering me with their issues. I don't want them around at all. I now this isn't good.
Has anyone been in a similar position? How did you find that balance? The balance between good friend and not allowing yourself to become the punching bag?
Sorry if this is jumbled. I am exhausted. It has been a crazy week and once again, no one to really decompress with. I just needed to get this all out. I will check back in tomorrow.