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R and Apologizing

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looking forward posted 5/9/2013 23:16 PM

Trying to R since April 2009.
So far, this year has been very difficult with more downs than ups.
Tonight I was told that I can never apologize enough for what I did and how this has affected my H.

Any insights?

FeelingSoMuch posted 5/10/2013 00:11 AM

I don't know if I'm in a position to offer suggestions. I'm a BH and it's only been two and a half months since D-Day.

What I want to hear from my WW are about 100 apologies a day. That won't fix things, but it makes me feel better.

I imagine that at first, I took in maybe one out of every 100 apologies. With time, I'm probably taking in two out of every 100. Eventually, I'll accept each apology. Keep apologizing. Make him feel like he's number 1.

Go to MC. Show remorse. Let him vent. It hurts. Sometimes we just need to vent.

Good luck.

RidingHealingRd posted 5/10/2013 00:15 AM

Tonight I was told that I can never apologize enough for what I did and how this has affected my H.

Unfortunately, this is probably true. The betrayal is so huge, the pain is endless, the devastation is horrific, the sadness is forever.

authenticnow posted 5/10/2013 05:13 AM

Tonight I was told that I can never apologize enough for what I did and how this has affected my H.
I agree. I don't think a person who cheated can ever apologize enough, or make it 'better' by apologizing.

Okay...we can't change that. What to do? Acceptance I guess is the only choice.

A WS has to accept that whatever is said will not make up for terrible choices. I deal with that by being the best ME I can be, every day. By continuing to show humility and remorse and love towards my BH, every day. (It's our new normal!)

For the BS, it's a scar that never goes away. Sometimes it's a dealbreaker. You've been in R for awhile now, has your BH told you it's a dealbreaker?

If not, his telling you this is him communicating his feelings. Trying to convey to you the pain he is feeling. That's okay, that's honest and authentic communication.

Keep talking to each other .

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