SurvivingInfidelity.com Forum Archives

lostgirl12 posted 5/9/2013 23:29 PM

So I have been looking and reading for about a week and I finally have the courage to post.
My WH confessed to having cheated on me. He kissed two different W and spent a lot of time talking to them online. Both of them are married and both of them were friends of mine. He also got them to send him naked pictures of themselves so he could masturbate because porn wasn't working anymore.
How could I not see it going on. I never thought he could do anything like this to me. I love him and I want to believe he loves me. He is doing everything I ask and answering all my questions. He has said sorry and seems remorseful but how do I know its the same sorry I have gotten for the last 4 years but he has been liying to me for the last 4 years so how do I know its true. I dont and it sucks.

avicarswife posted 5/10/2013 04:20 AM

(((lostgirl12))) <--- hugs

Welcome to SI. It is a great place to get support but I am so sorry you have to be here. It really sucks!

You need to take care of yourself. This is in no way your fault - you know that right? The cheating is all on him.

Have you checked out the healing library - the yellow box in the top left. There are lots of articles and recommended books to read.

You have been betrayed by 2 women who were supposed to be your friends as well - that must add to the hurt a lot. They were no friends of yours or your marriage!

Has your husband gone totally no contact with these women?

If no contact hasn't been established he should send a no contact email. Just a sentence or 2 telling them that there will be no further between them. That he is committed to healing the relationship with you who he has hurt deeply. No apologies to them or any chit chat - just the basics - you should see it first. Then he should block their email addresses and delete and block contact with them from any social media sites like facebook.

He needs to be open with ALL his email addresses and means of contact and you should have passwords to check any time you want.

Total transparency. There should be no secrecy - privacy is for using the toilet only.

Counselling is really important and helpful - both of you need to get into counselling - first individually.

Your WH needs to find out why he carried out this behaviour and the issues he has around using porn. Some people have porn addictions and they need help.

From your profile I see you are involved in church. Your WH needs to be accountable to friends (MEN only) he can trust - men he can talk to and tell - your pastor maybe.

You can heal and reconcile if you are both committed to this. Best wishes and keep posting - we are here to support each other.

more hugs (((lostgirl12)))

[This message edited by avicarswife at 4:21 AM, May 10th (Friday)]

lostgirl12 posted 5/10/2013 07:29 AM

Thank you avicarswife.
My WH has gone total NC we went on his facebook and into his email on DD and deleted them together. I have always had his passwords to everything I just never thought to check before. I unfriemded the two girls from my facebook the day after. I told him he had to go talk to the pastor and he did and has gone to see him twice and has started going to a sort of aa thing but its held a church and isnt just for alcohol. I think its helping. I hope its helping.

Compartmented posted 5/10/2013 18:11 PM

{{{Hugs}}, LostGirl,

Sorry you had to find us. Take care of yourself and listen to your gut as far as moving forward. There's a lot to read in the Healing Library, as well as others' posts. My X was into porn for a long time, and it escalated, too.

Hang in there!