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Darksideofme posted 5/10/2013 07:55 AM

In my last responce in my post "Questions.." I explain that i was completely alone since wednesday.

While getting ready for work, I'm starting to get a worried feeling. Ive come to see and feel that while im at work during the day my BS misses me and says so. Yet shortly after I get home and try to hug or smile and just talk, my BS always looks like hes in distress.

Im scared to have this happen today. Ive missed him so much and it seems that he's missed me to. I just feel rejected when I get home and he isnt as inviting as I thought he would be because of our daily talking or texting while im gone. I dont want that to happen today, I just want to feel his warmth, and show him how much I missed him...

Just a vent that im having at the moment...

Thanks for reading and gor any advice..

MFC2011 posted 5/10/2013 08:25 AM

My fwh travels a lot for work, and often feels the way you do. He wants me to be more excited and happy when he gets home from his trips and it saddens him when I'm not.

From my point of view, while I DO love him, and AM happy he's home, sometimes it's just the intensity of his physical presence that brings on a slight trigger and makes it difficult to give him the happy, bubbly welcome he's looking for. Over text, email, etc there's a little more distance which can make it easier to put thoughts of the A aside and let my love and emotion for him show.

I hope you guys can work through this. Have you talked to him about it? Maybe not a great idea to approach it from the aspect of criticizing how he currently reacts (if is it due to a trigger response of some sort, I just don't think criticizing him for it is the way to go right away) but maybe just letting him know how happy you are to get home and see him, and how much his positive reactions mean to you (welcome home hugs, etc). Kind of reinforcing his "positive" behavior, you know?

There's also the possibility that maybe he's just having a hard time with things and wasn't able to share or express at over texts thru the day. When he sees you after work, those emotions may flood in and stop him from acting happy to see you, even if he really is.

(((Dark side)))

cheerless posted 5/10/2013 08:33 AM

BS here.

It could be that you are a trigger for him.

I don't know for sure what your BS is feeling but this is definitely the case for me. It goes against my fight/flight response to want to be around this person who hurt me so deeply. In just about any other circumstance, logic would tell us to avoid that danger and protect ourselves. The distress and confusion arises from loving and being attracted to (and at the same time repulsed by) our SO.

If a BS chooses staying over leaving, they need to wrap their head around trusting a person who's proved themselves untrustworthy.

Imagine the stress of having to use the same cardiac surgeon to repair damage from a previous time when he took unnecessary risks and acted carelessly with your heart. And he lied about it. I'm sure just seeing him would send your damaged heart racing and fill you with anxiety as you went under the knife.

Healing takes some time. It's so nice to read about WSs like yourself and my WH. who are doing the work.

I hope you and Mr Dark are able to have a great weekend.

Darksideofme posted 5/10/2013 09:30 AM

Hi MCF2011,
I had asked one day about it and let him know it makes me a little upset. But other then that I really didnt plan on discussing it with him again. I do try hard not to critisize him. I was more so looking for of ways I can help us both get through situations like this. Thanks for the suggestion, I'll start trying to implament it daily.

Hi Cheerless,
Thanks for the comment and insight thats also what I look for so I can adjust to my feelings and understand the possible feelings my BS could be having. Sometimes other people can explain things so that I understand them better.

Thanks for the replys!

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