Two years ago today I discovered H was actually WH. (d-day synopsis in profile)
Although I don't post much anymore, SI has been so helpful to my healing process. You cannot place value on the peace that knowing you're not alone in your feelings can bring.
R has had its ups and downs, but overall we're in a good place. Our marriage is stronger than pre-A, our love and appreciation for one another is deeper. fWH has been remorseful, loving, communicative. All the pretty words are backed up with actions.
The last few months have involved a lot of self-reflection. For a long time, I told myself that this was fWH's problem to fix. There was a post by CreekWalker in particular made me realize how much anger and resentment I was really holding on to and how this was negatively impacting my ability to be present in my marriage.
His A still enters my thoughts daily, if not hourly when I'm not actively engaged in something else. The pain is still right there, under the surface. Most days I can acknowledge its there and move along, avoiding things that may disturb the carefully packed ground cover. Some days I unearth the pain myself and just wallow in it, realizing its not healthy, but I just can't seem to stop myself. Re-reading that, it should, in all honesty, say "I choose to wallow in it".
Two years ago I learned the truth about my life. Today I begin the process of working on myself to let go of the anger and work towards true forgiveness.
