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ColorMeSurprised posted 5/10/2013 12:32 PM

Two years ago today I discovered H was actually WH. (d-day synopsis in profile)
Although I don't post much anymore, SI has been so helpful to my healing process. You cannot place value on the peace that knowing you're not alone in your feelings can bring.

R has had its ups and downs, but overall we're in a good place. Our marriage is stronger than pre-A, our love and appreciation for one another is deeper. fWH has been remorseful, loving, communicative. All the pretty words are backed up with actions.

The last few months have involved a lot of self-reflection. For a long time, I told myself that this was fWH's problem to fix. There was a post by CreekWalker in particular made me realize how much anger and resentment I was really holding on to and how this was negatively impacting my ability to be present in my marriage.

His A still enters my thoughts daily, if not hourly when I'm not actively engaged in something else. The pain is still right there, under the surface. Most days I can acknowledge its there and move along, avoiding things that may disturb the carefully packed ground cover. Some days I unearth the pain myself and just wallow in it, realizing its not healthy, but I just can't seem to stop myself. Re-reading that, it should, in all honesty, say "I choose to wallow in it".

Two years ago I learned the truth about my life. Today I begin the process of working on myself to let go of the anger and work towards true forgiveness.

Skan posted 5/10/2013 15:33 PM

I'm so glad that you're in such a good place today. (((hugs)))

mchercheur posted 5/10/2013 15:47 PM

Hi ColorMeSurprised,

Today is my 2 year antiversary too
(altho I did not discover SI until 12/2012, wish I had on Dday.)
I am so sorry it happened to you too-----we both had our worlds destroyed on the same day.

Am feeling sick to my stomach---am really grieving.

Most of what you wrote is the same for me, except that I don't think my WH really "gets it" yet.

I am happy for you that your M is is such a good place.

(((ColorMeSurprised)))

ColorMeSurprised posted 5/11/2013 00:11 AM

Thank you, Skan and mchercheur.

(((mchercheur))) - I can definitely relate to the grief you're feeling. It's always there, the nagging pain, that most others don't really understand, that intensifies when disturbed... Hope you were okay today, and continue to take care of you.

mchercheur posted 5/11/2013 08:32 AM

(((ColorMeSurprised)))