In retrospective, the first 2 years, I had NO IDEA. The last year, when he met LTA OW, that's when I knew. He wouldn't kiss me, make out with me, let alone make love to me. I remember making him a cd of love songs for V day and he cried. Bc of guilt, hell, I don't know. But, I do believe that he loved her. I felt like he still loved me with OW. But, when this LTA OW came in the picture, that's when I knew. So, there it is. I think he loved her. Although he denies it up and down because he lied to her. It devestates me.
But I am curious was does he say he felt towards OW? Whether it be lust or love, or lust colored into love, or just plain infatuation there must have been some feelings behind the action right?
An affair is inherently selfish.
I'm sure meth heads "love" meth too.
I think I can. You're hilarious! Yes, I KNOW he loved beer first, then high of OW, and me somewhere in there... :( He actually compares himself to a druggie, but with booze instead of drugs.
[This message edited by libertyrocks at 2:07 PM, May 10th (Friday)]
Love is a verb and it requires loving actions. Maybe he once knew how to love and maybe he can learn how to do it again, but he sure wasn't showing anyone love during the A.
Here is a really good love test:
"Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres." 1 Corinthians 13:4-7
Did it pass? No?! Notice I am not shocked.
He liked the stroke of his ego. Because I was too busy breastfeeding and changing poopy diapers, while working 12 hour days!!! Man, our lives sucked back then! haha. Things are much, much, a thousand times better now. He even has a "grown up" job, not bartending with college kids anymore. So, that's a plus.
[This message edited by libertyrocks at 4:35 PM, May 10th (Friday)]
Yaaaay, lucky us...!!
He's a dry drunk. Since I had a 6 month TT package, he drank maybe 6 times in last 6 months at times when we were arguing and/or seperated or when I kicked him out a few times.
His last drink was on our anniversay last month. That way, we can celebrate at a month, 2 months, etc. It's crazy. He's a different person sober. I like him. lol. He's starting to love himself again. He got a new phone, NC with OW since I first found out 6 months ago, new job!!, getting a new car. He's becoming a new man and I'm so proud of him.
[This message edited by libertyrocks at 10:45 AM, May 13th (Monday)]
My H told me while we were separated that he "would always have a special place in my heart but I'm in love with her now". I laughed...
I knew then what it took him months to see. He wasn't in love with her. He was in love with the fantasy. The escape. The ego-boost.
He now admits that it was fantasy land, complete with Unicorns and their skittles. He now understands that REAL love comes from time together, shared memories, building a life together, poopie diapers and all. Real love is what he has, and always had, with me!
Unfortunately, some waywards never really pull their heads out OR maybe they weren't really committed to the relationship to begin with. Only they could answer that question...
I hope your H can understand the difference one day and help you heal from the mess he created.