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Newest Member: m0ntp17 (61474)

User Topic: Feeling alone
♀ 39223
Member # 39223
Default  Posted: 1:09 PM, May 10th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I have only told one friend but we don't get a lot of time to talk we both have kids and she works. I can't tell my family or his because the reactions would not be helpful. I am trying to get out and do my own thing but I feel like I'm lying to my friends everyone asks that question"how are you" and they expect the I'm good how are you but it just feels like a lie and I hate lying. I made plans to go get a pedicure with a friend and I know shes going to ask because we haven't gotten together in a while but I just can't tell her. Sorry I dont have a question just needed to "talk".

BW-me (26)
WH 27
Married 5yr together 8yr
DDay 4/24/2013
DS 3
DD 1

Posts: 6 | Registered: May 2013
♂ 39136
Member # 39136
Default  Posted: 2:02 PM, May 10th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

You need to be able to really talk with someone. The pressure bottled up inside you builds until you feel like you are going to explode.

We are fortunate enough to have a pastor who is a MC. Which helped on numerous points: godly man, knowledgeable, accessible just about any time, and free (because we are beyond broke it seems).

If I were you, I would search for a MC and let them know what is going on. Maybe see the MC together. Just go see someone.

Right now you need to know a very critical thing; this is not your fault. I know you want to say you share some of the blame. For a broken marriage, sure it takes two. An A takes one to walk away from the others. You want to take some measure of blame to try and take control. Why? Because the was completely out of your control. Someone you trusted most did you the worst. It is very, VERY hard to accept.

Go the the yellow box on the upper left and check out the Healing Library. There is a TON of useful info up there. Some of it is not going to make sense right now, you hurt to much. Take it a little bit at a time.

You probably do not want to eat or sleep. Crying becomes like breathing was before and breathing has been like hard labor. You are exhausted and nothing helps the pain. I talk from very recent personal experience, I know how you feel. There are THOUSANDS of people here who know exactly how you feel. You need to focus on you and your children. If you are not hungry, eat a little bit. Drink water. If you can't sleep, just try to rest. Keep the house as stable as you can for the kids.

Lostgirl12 - All I can do you for from here, besides words, is pray. I am praying for YOU specifically right now.

"Casting all your anxieties on him, because he cares for you. " 1 Peter 5:7

[This message edited by OneFootForward at 2:02 PM, May 10th (Friday)]

Me: 42 BS
Her: 41 EMA
Married: 16 years
D-Day#1: 04/17/13
D-Day#2: 05/8/13
Children: 9,5 (girls)
Om: High School Flame
"Marital problems doesn't make someone a cheater just like financial problems doesn't make someone a thief"

Posts: 71 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: Mobile, AL
♀ 39206
Member # 39206
Sad  Posted: 3:44 PM, May 10th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Prayers and ((HUGS)) to you lostgirl12.


Posts: 10 | Registered: May 2013
♀ 39128
Member # 39128
Default  Posted: 4:00 PM, May 10th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thinking of you at this time. This situation is so difficult we are all in a 'club' we would rather not be in. The pain is so awful but, I am told, this will pass.
Time is a healer

Posts: 26 | Registered: Apr 2013
♀ 39223
Member # 39223
Default  Posted: 11:55 PM, May 11th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Spent the day with a friend without my WH it was nice to have some girl time and not think about his cheating. Today was a good day.

BW-me (26)
WH 27
Married 5yr together 8yr
DDay 4/24/2013
DS 3
DD 1

Posts: 6 | Registered: May 2013
♂ 38561
Member # 38561
Default  Posted: 11:43 AM, May 12th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

That simple little question "how are you" becomes a conundrum equivalent to the mental effort needed for a calculus exam. I talked to a few good friends about that simple question and how frustrating it can be. Friends are simple asking to be cordial but you process it in accordance with the A and the mental anguish that it is actually causing you. Just one of those things that you get past after a while. It's great that you have at least one friend to talk to. If you need to, post here. As often as needed. It helps not only you, but it helps us betrayeds as well to identify with you and lend advice.

Wishing you strength

ME - A new person
HER - A waining memory
DDay - 2/22/2013
2-3 month EA/PA
Together for 6 years, ready to start my life . . .

"I can fill the flask up, but can't get past us
I'm in the storm, staying strong, but can't get back

Posts: 177 | Registered: Feb 2013
♀ 14576
Member # 14576
Default  Posted: 3:43 PM, May 12th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Sweetie, my heart breaks for you. I have a DD who is your age (she has a DD 15 months).

First....Happy Mother's Day. This is YOUR day.

I do understand what you mean about talking to others - you're not ready to reveal the sitch because if you and your WS reconcile, they will harbor bad feelings, which makes it all the more difficult. You don't have to worry about that here. Even though we don't know you IRL, you are not alone. Look at the number of people on SI. But I totally get what you mean. It sucks.

Sending you strength & big hugs,


Me - 52; FWH - 54
Married 34 years 9/2/17
2 grown daughters-33 & 30
8yo GS,4yo GD & 3yo. GD (DD33) and 5 yo GD & 1 yo GD(DD30). D-day #1 - 1/06; D-day #2 - 3/07
Reconciled! Construction Complete.

Posts: 6235 | Registered: May 2007
Topic Posts: 7

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