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lostgirl12 posted 5/10/2013 13:09 PM

I have only told one friend but we don't get a lot of time to talk we both have kids and she works. I can't tell my family or his because the reactions would not be helpful. I am trying to get out and do my own thing but I feel like I'm lying to my friends everyone asks that question"how are you" and they expect the I'm good how are you but it just feels like a lie and I hate lying. I made plans to go get a pedicure with a friend and I know shes going to ask because we haven't gotten together in a while but I just can't tell her. Sorry I dont have a question just needed to "talk".

OneFootForward posted 5/10/2013 14:02 PM

You need to be able to really talk with someone. The pressure bottled up inside you builds until you feel like you are going to explode.

We are fortunate enough to have a pastor who is a MC. Which helped on numerous points: godly man, knowledgeable, accessible just about any time, and free (because we are beyond broke it seems).

If I were you, I would search for a MC and let them know what is going on. Maybe see the MC together. Just go see someone.

Right now you need to know a very critical thing; this is not your fault. I know you want to say you share some of the blame. For a broken marriage, sure it takes two. An A takes one to walk away from the others. You want to take some measure of blame to try and take control. Why? Because the was completely out of your control. Someone you trusted most did you the worst. It is very, VERY hard to accept.

Go the the yellow box on the upper left and check out the Healing Library. There is a TON of useful info up there. Some of it is not going to make sense right now, you hurt to much. Take it a little bit at a time.

You probably do not want to eat or sleep. Crying becomes like breathing was before and breathing has been like hard labor. You are exhausted and nothing helps the pain. I talk from very recent personal experience, I know how you feel. There are THOUSANDS of people here who know exactly how you feel. You need to focus on you and your children. If you are not hungry, eat a little bit. Drink water. If you can't sleep, just try to rest. Keep the house as stable as you can for the kids.

Lostgirl12 - All I can do you for from here, besides words, is pray. I am praying for YOU specifically right now.

"Casting all your anxieties on him, because he cares for you. " 1 Peter 5:7

[This message edited by OneFootForward at 2:02 PM, May 10th (Friday)]

DaVille posted 5/10/2013 15:44 PM

Prayers and ((HUGS)) to you lostgirl12.

lost100 posted 5/10/2013 16:00 PM

Thinking of you at this time. This situation is so difficult we are all in a 'club' we would rather not be in. The pain is so awful but, I am told, this will pass.
Time is a healer

lostgirl12 posted 5/11/2013 23:55 PM

Spent the day with a friend without my WH it was nice to have some girl time and not think about his cheating. Today was a good day.

Brokenheart777 posted 5/12/2013 11:43 AM

That simple little question "how are you" becomes a conundrum equivalent to the mental effort needed for a calculus exam. I talked to a few good friends about that simple question and how frustrating it can be. Friends are simple asking to be cordial but you process it in accordance with the A and the mental anguish that it is actually causing you. Just one of those things that you get past after a while. It's great that you have at least one friend to talk to. If you need to, post here. As often as needed. It helps not only you, but it helps us betrayeds as well to identify with you and lend advice.

Wishing you strength

Lalagirl posted 5/12/2013 15:43 PM

Sweetie, my heart breaks for you. I have a DD who is your age (she has a DD 15 months).

First....Happy Mother's Day. This is YOUR day.

I do understand what you mean about talking to others - you're not ready to reveal the sitch because if you and your WS reconcile, they will harbor bad feelings, which makes it all the more difficult. You don't have to worry about that here. Even though we don't know you IRL, you are not alone. Look at the number of people on SI. But I totally get what you mean. It sucks.

Sending you strength & big hugs,


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