I appreciate all of the responses so far. Just wanted to clarify a couple of things, though -
It's not that I don't WANT to go to the wedding - I do, if I'm invited. The problem is this -
1. I don't actually KNOW that I am, as I haven't been informed of such, and considering the tone of the previous message, I'm not sure that I'm welcome. I'm only going by what my H says she said - I don't have it on good authority that this IS what she actually said, you know?
2. I honestly don't think I'm going to be ABLE to come because of the financial logistics. It took a LOT out of me just to give her that extra money for her wedding present, to be honest. I'm a Federal employee - I'm on sequestration right now and quite frankly, WE'RE hurting. I had to scrape that 200 together just to send it to her - is this the act of someone that doesn't care about her? She's my H's first born and she's special to me because she's special to him, you know?
Still, I want to be able to try and scrape the plane fare together, if I can.
I would love to meet her, get to know her, I've never felt differently. That's why it really hurt when she sent that message, you know?
I know that she's 19, 17 when she sent that to me. But, hey - child or not, words can hurt whether they come from someone who's 17 or 77. This is all new to me, too - I went from being someone who has no children, won't have children, can't have children - to a stepmother of FIVE in one day. I have a hard time dealing with it too, you know?
I'm sympathetic, believe me. My father was a POS that abandoned me when I was young so I know how she feels, I DO know. I didn't respond to her message at all, in any manner. Does that mean that it's not supposed to hurt me?
I mean, if someone I'd called a "F-ing stupid bitch" sent ME 200 dollars for a wedding present, I'd be sure to curse them out more often, you know? I do understand what you're all getting at, but at the same time, being called things like that - for NO REASON - by someone I've never even met? I'm not supposed to feel even a LITTLE ticked off by that?
My H is trying to find out for sure what the status of my "invitation" is - if she wants me there, wants to meet me, I'm willing to do that and try to forge a relationship. Maybe she didn't mean it, maybe she was young and dumb, maybe she's matured, I don't know. I won't hold it against her, if that's the case.
Being a stepmother is proving a lot harder than I ever imagined. (Luckily the other 4 seem to like me just fine.)