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I can't get angry w/o going "there"

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LA44 posted 5/10/2013 19:29 PM

So tonight we are the happy family bringing our kids to a new sports program. My H had to make two trips to the car and by the time he came back from trip #2 he was mad bc the bag I was having him look for was not there. I forgt it. My memory has not been so great since December! But he was SO annoyed and so...sucky about it. I just felt stupid.

As well...yesterday my sister asked me to tell my Dad something - well, I forgot to do that too and she actually reprimanded me. I told her I didn't deserve that - it was not intentional and I truly forgot. And besides...she could have told him herself!

Well, I guess between her reaction and then him wanting me to "validate his frustration" over the bag, I blew up at him (away from the kids). But when I blow, I usually bring the A back into it. I KNOW that is wrong. I KNOW I need not dredge the A into every single arguement we have but I seem to unravel quickly and when I do I can't help but scream that if he didn't F around then I wouldn't be losing my cool. I can't seem to stick to the topic at hand w/o going "there".

I even called him a mo-fo.

If you can offer some advice, I will take it!
LA

blakesteele posted 5/10/2013 19:46 PM

Sorry to hear about your day.

I, too, have had memory trouble since DD.

I, too, have said very bad things to my wife.

How does your husband respond to your rage?

I do feel I am going crazy.

This site is helping me from getting crazy.

God be with you.

Skan posted 5/10/2013 19:54 PM

I have memory problems when I'm 'normal." After DDay, my mind was like a collendar full of holes with stuff being poured into it and then leaking right out. It got so bad that my normal list-making of the day's goals had to be broken down by hours at times! So I completely empathize with you. (((hugs)))

LA44 posted 5/10/2013 21:08 PM

Blake - during the rage my H always says something like, "Yes, I brought this to you. I am very sorry. This will never ever happen again."

His IC told him that at some point he will start to "resent" my anger if he is doing everything "right" and I still get angry....but now is probably not the time.

Oh - ya think?!

livebythesea posted 5/10/2013 21:45 PM

Can't give you any advice. I can only say that I understand your situation. And that I would probably do the same thing. Don't feel guilty. Just try to hold yourself back, cause what you said in your previous post "may resent your anger" I can see that from a man. You have every right to be angry, and you should have the choice to speak, cry, yell whenever you feel the need. Take care :)

boontje posted 5/11/2013 19:19 PM

LA44, I can relate to your situation. I feel the same way myself sometimes. I have found that usually I react, and "go there" because something my H is doing reminds me of how he treated me during his period of insanity. For example, during that period, he was extremely critical of the way I did things, was very short tempered, and in general, was not very nice to me. Now, if he gets like this, I let him know exactly what I am feeling and why. This usually diffuses the situation. Hope this helps.

Ladyogilvy posted 5/12/2013 00:17 AM

Oh, I totally understand. It's like this, you totally disrespect me, I give you another chance and this is what I get for it? We're asked to put all our negative thoughts and feelings up on a shelf but they all come tumbling down of the shelf when I feel disrespected again.

Heavy Sigh posted 5/12/2013 00:22 AM

These things, in addition to the stress of this situation, worsen memory:

1. Lack of sleep
2. Sugar and carbs
3. Hormonal issues, which is why pregnant women complain of foggy thinking, and it's a monster problem during peri-menopause.

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