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Where was this person before he cheated?

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salacioustexts posted 5/10/2013 20:02 PM

I figured since I came out of lurkdom on the tattoo thread I would post and participate...

Next week is my husband and my 17th anniversary. Last year he was wrapped up in his online pursuits and more or less ruined the day for me. It was really important to me because it was exactly half my life with him. I am worried that I will have a melt down next Friday and I would like to reclaim that day.

He has been amazing since DDay last year and is becoming the person I wish he was years ago. I'm struggling with being comfortable with this person in front of me because I'm always waiting for things to fall apart. I have a feeling its going to take time which has become such a 4 letter word to me! I want to love this person and I hope its sincere there is always a "but" involved. My gut says he's being honest and transparent, however, (there's that but again!) I don't want to be vulnerable and go through anything resembling that level of pain again.

Thanks to whoever reads this-I am usually just a reader and this site has really helped keep me sane since my world imploded.

BIZZYBEEZ posted 5/10/2013 22:52 PM

I hear you. Feel the same way. I too want to believe what I'm seeing BUT.....I'm still new to this (6.5 months) so I keep holding on to "it does get better if they're truly remorseful". Hang in there - there are a lot of us with the same feelings & doubts.

NoraLee posted 5/10/2013 23:36 PM

Consistent efforts and behaviour will quiet the buts. Unfortunately, that takes TIME!!

I too have a H I wish I had before the A. I knew our marriage was dysfunctional. I would beg him to work with me to improve it but he would say he was happy so why change anything? That left me feeling resentful and unhappy. I was raised to never rely on any person to make me happy - that had to come from I threw myself into my career and my children and H and I grew further apart. Unfortunately it took this soul-crushing crisis to bring us around. I've become vulnerable to my H for the first time in our marriage ... I guess not only do I have the H I always wanted, but he has the wife he's always wanted.

catlover50 posted 5/11/2013 05:45 AM

Right there with you!

My strategy is to continue IC for both of us, along with MC, to make sure all coping mechanisms (for my H) and poor communication skills ( for both of us) don't rear their ugly heads. I recently got very triggery when I felt like my H was behaving in old ways. NOT going back there, even without infidelity!

It just takes time. Good luck'

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