Do you want me to tell you something really subversive? Love is everything it's cracked up to be. That's why people are so cynical about it.
Perv/STBXH took this away from me. Do you know what he did? The second night he snuck out in the middle of the night while DD and I slept, he apparently called every single one of my relatives and told them what he was doing.
So I woke up with my entire life changed and no clue, while my relatives had that knowledge. Do you suppose any told me? No.
Further, they came from out of state to have "holidays" with DD and I and they knew all the while about the A he was having, while I and she did not. Stayed over night at my house, ate my food, played with my cat, visited with me politely and all you do with company...
And all the while they had this knowledge again about myself and DD. When I think of this I am infuriated at all of them and only two did not know.
My father is one. He knew Perv had intention of leaving but not about OW. My siblings, mother, aunt and uncle knew of OW but chose to say nothing.
I don't mean to turn this into a vent or all about me, but another point of view is that it's one small piece of the whole thing that you have control over.
Oh, one more thing...Perv also took it upon himself to go to my place of employment and spoke to them and I have not been asked to return since. I was a sub. teacher's aid at DDs school and it took almost four years to get in as far as I did.
It is a horribly crappy thing to have to tell people, but yet another point of view that's happened here, is if you as BS don't tell people, your WS will at some point or they will learn of it and it may not be what you want them to hear...when Perv told his family, he minimilized and made it about all these problems I supposedly had, but don't. He tried to make it like it was his "only choice and he could not work with me anymore", when I begged to work with him.
So as hard as it is, I would always vote for telling anyone any of you care about or would want a relationship with in future.
A person is a person, no matter how small. -Dr. Suess
Perserverance and spirit have done wonders in all ages.
I don't regret it. AT ALL!!!
You're an interesting species, an interesting mix. You're capable of such beautiful dreams and such horrible nightmares. You feel so lost, so cut off, so alone, only you're not. See, in all our searching, the only thing we've found that makes the emptiness bearable is each other. - Contact
I have that with most inlaws, too. They invite me to their occasions and even offer to tell him to go away, but it is so fresh and bittersweet right now it's very hard.
One weekend I went to one of their dinners and it was okay, my two most in touch supporters flanked my sides and didn't leave me alone and showed DD a lot of attention. It gave me a big mix of feelings.
When Perv first mentioned my going, he said it as if I had "permission" and it felt much like taking crumbs. But with the baby coming and DD wanting a relationship with them that is important to me also, I feel some need to keep things friendly...does that make any sense?
They finally see through him as his lies catch up. Unfortuantely for him, this is a large group of Roman Catholic, Polish/Irish lineage, where you just don't do the things he did...or get caught?!
My WW family knows we are separating but do not know why.
This above all: to thine own self be true, and it must follow, as the night the day, thou canst not then be false to any man ~ Shakespeare, Hamlet
I thought my inlaws would law down the law with my WH, but sadly WH got to them first and told them I was crazy. Now they believe him and it's awful. They live out of state, and he tells them that he and OW are just friends.
Thank goodness my family believes me.
[This message edited by homewrecked2011 at 3:41 PM, May 11th (Saturday)]
me BS 52
him - 46
married 15 years DIVORCED 10 31 12
children - ds15 ds12
I gave a 24hour ultimatum then went to attorney next day