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Karma Bus or Dumb A..?

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Ashland13 posted 5/11/2013 10:08 AM

Another swarm of mixed feelings is upon me this weekend, as I learned some interesting things recently about Perv and OW from a relative.

It seems that OW is aware of Baby's (I call the Baby to be this but in the voice of Elvis or Johnny Bravo as it's nickname-DD is/was "Peanut)... existence.

My immediate reaction to this "news" was some euphoria and after I collected myself, some glee poked through my curtain of misery. I am not a person who takes joy from others pain, but what I thought all they way home was, "there".

I can't decided if the Karma Bus came to pick Perv up or if it's just being a dumb ass with his impulsivity, or both? Apparently she is rather besides herself (I will refrain from jokes about her size) and unsure how to handle this or forgive him. Lalalala, says me...

You see, the only contact I ever had with her (via text she started eons ago) was to say to her that this man is a big liar! Apparently he really laid it on thick about how horrible our M was, but I continue to ask myself at times, how could he have been so miserable if we have DD, all the other stuff a M makes and Baby on the way?

What I take away from this new knowledge for myself, is hopefully a lesson for OW (I know I'm not supposed to think of her but that's impossible) and maybe a little headlight pushing through her fog?

And I noticed that this "lesson" or whatever to call it happened without my having to do a darn thing with regard to contact with her. There is some small satisfaction in that.

In the meanwhile, we've been going 'round and 'round about Baby names and my favorite would be naming the baby after his middle name...which was something I used to dream about. It would be hard sometimes, but it would be a dream I could keep and give the baby some lineage...

And I can't help but think, how horrible a wife could I have been to still contemplate naming the child after it's father? And I can't help but think, in the very far corners of my mind where there are dustmites, there. In your face, OW.

Is that terrible of me?

It's way too personal to ask anyone I know and I hesitated to post it, but I read a fair amount of post that talk about OWs/OMs and BS wishing for revenge or karma or whatever people label it. I don't want to make light of the baby in any way, but to show that it does happen and though Perv is not welcome back or showing signs he wants to, I do hear stories of his supposed misery.

It's been a really long time for me to even know if he feels anything about what he's done/been doing and the advice is that it often takes life-altering events to jolt someone.

My wish for all of this is for him to someday realize simply how he's been treating people (in general) instead of feeling bad for himself. I don't think of it in regard to me so much any more, and I like to think of that as a small sign of my beginning to heal?

I feel finally as if they both need to be out of my life, but at the same time, they are playing fire with fire and in the long run, I will continue on with the honesty and clean-living I have always strived for.

movingforward13 posted 5/11/2013 16:09 PM

So the OW is upset that your husband got you pregnant... And then held that information from her? What did she expect from a man who cheated on his wife. Honesty? Loyalty?

I honestly doubt she will stay with him. Maybe not tomorrow, etc. but all this will wear her down and she will be out.

newlysingle posted 5/11/2013 17:05 PM

I hope that is the case, but I wouldn't be to sure. About wearing her out that is.

My STBXH lied to OW and told her he was single with no kids. She found out that was a lie when I called her and told her he was married with two small children. She didn't leave then. Then he told her that he had been separated from me for over 2 years and she later discovered that was a lie. I think she broke it off for one day that time, but is now back with him and planning marriage and babies.

[This message edited by newlysingle at 5:05 PM, May 11th (Saturday)]

Ashland13 posted 5/11/2013 20:44 PM

Thank you.

It was kind of a strange post to write, but was heady feeling to lear and is an even stranger place in life to be in.

According to Perv, it's similar to what Newly Single had to say and he claims and insists he has a "future" with OW and he speaks of bringing DD there (gag).

It gives me strength to think she may eventually not "keep him"...this is the all around theory of anyone who knows about it... and Ic says it's because I want to prove he was wrong this time around, so to speak?

He began his ...time...with OW based on lies and continues on with them. He told her he was a widower, but here I am. She seems to basically accept anything the guy says? But she kept him after confessing I existed, apparently when EA turned to PA.

So for me, who doesn't lie and works hard not to, I don't quite understand this, but in some ways, I do. I understand it because of all the times I believed stuff he said and his charm can be quite something, when he wants something from a person or is "interested" in something about a resource.

He bragged at one point, during false R, how he is able to stomp in and out the OW's door and she'll have fits at him, he goes anyway, but always has taken him back. This sounds like power trips to me?

I know for me, the proverbial last straw took a really long time because I wanted to believe so much and didn't want my fairy tale to end.

I've heard of instances where people stay together simply because they can't create another situation and are afraid to face facts and future in a different way, or try to refuse to see the true character of a person.

It occured to me today in speaking to a friend that she likely doesn't know the extent and real things he did here? My friend said, why tell her he snuck out twice in the middle of the night and twice slammed the door in your face? It would make him look bad and he can't stand looking bad or making mistakes.

movingforward13 posted 5/11/2013 21:01 PM

Welp, if she stays with him, she is clearly pathetic and has no other options. I hope she likes supporting him when he has to pay you child support.

tesla posted 5/12/2013 07:46 AM

My STBXH lied to OW and told her he was single with no kids.

ex-shat did this too. When stripper whore found out, she stayed (of course she was a stripper whore with the cognitive abilities of a flea, 7 months pregnant with his child...what options does she have?). So they are together. And may be together for quite some time.

The OW may stay, she may go. Doesn't change the spots on your WH. He is a liar and cheat.

As far as naming the baby...I guess I'm a bitch, but if it were my sitch, that asshole would have lost naming rights when he left. I mean, can you just imagine him discussing names with OW? Ugh. It's probably more complicated than that and I haven't been in that situation. But I'd say if you find a name you like, you name your baby that and fuck what he thinks.

Ashland13 posted 5/12/2013 12:06 PM

In general, I don't think too long about OW finally, though it may seem it. She pops in and out of my brain but I can push it away more nowadays. There's just too much else going on and yes, I tend to think she's just a bizarre person I could neve relate to and its actually probably part of the "charm".

My only interest in a break-up would be to prove to him that what he thought was "real" is not, if that makes any sense.

I thought I had a lot of tolerance, but it seems OW has a lot more than me, if that's the word to call it. I think the crazy-making, lies and pressure got to the breaking point for me, but it sure took a long time.

I guess the things I can't put away in my mind are the things I can't answer, and I am finally realizing that much of it I won't get answers for. That helps some and also thinking that someone else can put up with the guy now.

Knowing all he is "capable" of, you are very right, Tesla, and that's what's in my mind more nowadays. And OW has been not in the picture and he opted for dating sites instead of his M...all the while he was still M. That's something I remind myself, too.

And you know, as lonely as DD and I get, she even said one day, "gee, it's quiet without daddy and you here fighting!" He's a very big personality as are some siblings and fills a room with his space, but it's often in a juvenile way. Yet near me, he is very quiet, hands folded kind of I watch to see what personality will be there, if I have to be anywhere near him.

Just rambling on now, but Happy Mothers Day to all of you and thanks again.

It's not a place in life I ever thought I would be in!

PurpleRose posted 5/12/2013 13:24 PM

Oh honey, stop worrying about how "real" he thinks his relationship with OW is.

He knows its not real.

She knows its not real.

One day they might be able to be honest with themselves, but more than likely they will continue along their disgusting sad little path, living in fear of any one finding out their relationship is really just shit.

Skan posted 5/12/2013 23:38 PM

Well, being the forgiving soul that I am, I'd name the baby after the pool boy. Just saying ....

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