It makes me sick actually. He laid into me about how I havent thought of his needs at all and Im all about me these days. Then he called me selfish and then a psycho.
He really doesnt get it. He thinks that me heart shouldnt change at all after all this. He keeps telling me he just wants all of me and all of my heart back. Why cant he see my heart is broken? I always had a strong conviction against cheating because I know its permanent and it damages the heart and soul. But I was cheated on before so maybe, thats why I have always acknowledged that.
I just can understand how he can believe Im the selfish one for hurting and not meeting his needs when he is the one that had the A. Its was 3 1/2 months. But this was a family friend that he teasted and messed with for years before, so to me the A started when he sat with her and gave her attention I should have gotten. I mean if you show up with your spouse at a get together, you should spend some time with them while socializing. But he was always with her and if I walked near them they were never talking. Looking back now I realize that was a sign something was wrong. But never knew. The worse part about that is I have the memories of seeing them together, including in my own house. He never gave me the time of day when she was around.
Anyways, somehow, Im the selfish one? And psycho? I assume thats from my rollercoaster emotions.
I just wish I understood how his mind works, because he is really starting to seem like a sociopath to me. No empathy, no compassion, I wonder if he even has feelings.
He says he does but can never empathize with anyone else.
I am not really expecting any advice on this, I know not to let his lashouts get to me, I just wanted to vent a little of my bewilderment.
Because he never stops at amazing he with his sense of entitlement.
One of the good things about it is that it continually acts to reinforce that removing yourself from his presence is, indeed, the correct move.
In my effort to be *concise*, I often come off as blunt and harsh. Sorry, don't mean to be offensive.
I wish you strength in these difficult times.
I think it's particularly ridiculous to expect to go back to the way things were when someone cheats on you. It may get close, but never the same.
I'm so sorry that it was a friend of yours. I somehow think that would be harder to take. In my case the OW knew he was married, and I thought that was bad enough. I would obviously never speak to that friend ever again.
DS (6), DS (18 months)
Aug 30 2013 He gives me back his ring with an ultimatum: "Get over it or get out".
Status: Done like dinner
But now I think back to this time that he confronted me about a condom in the toilet. He asked me what the hell was that and I was immediately defensive saying I didnt know. We didnt use condoms at the time and had no roommates. But I had two small kids and just assumed they must have found one somewhere and played with it. Gross I know, but they had gotten into a box a condoms years earlier when we were still using them. I truly thought nothing of it.
I was a cockail waitress and had worked double shifts every friday night and saturday night. I usually got home around 6 in the morning. So it was not like I could sneak a guy into the bed he was sleeping in. But looking back now, why challenge me when he knew that?
The only reason I can think of, he was worried I saw it. When we did use condoms, he flushed them. So what? He had to plant a seed in my head that it wasnt his?
And there are all the years of him accusing me that I have probably cheated. When all I did was work and go to school. I didnt have free time. Only Sundays, and I was always home. I never went out without him. Never.
But he always told me we would probably end with me cheating on him because girls are scandulous.
Another thing I have a problem with. Why does he think girls are so easy? From experience?
I just have no desire to give my heart to anyone anymore. The benefits just dont outweigh the costs.
I don't get it either. I'll never understand how a person can do that to someone they supposedly love. Unless they don't really know what love is....? I can't explain it - but you are not alone in this strange foreign landscape, and you will survive this and thrive in time.
Its so stupid, they want what they had, that at the time they didnt want. They dont even treat their dogs like that. Like we are toys with no feelings or needs. And they will play with us when they want, and ignore us when they want, and still expect us to be there so desperate for attention. It just doesnt work that way for me.