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ItStillHurts posted 5/11/2013 23:28 PM

Real or imagined everywhere now. New stage in recovery and reconciliation for me at least. I have shared this week with my H that my boss' recent distress was infidelity related and he is very troubled these days and ...

Tonight, at the movies, there was a lady, my age, who was so excited and obviously happy. Dressed with some care, everything was either denim or silver, she spent time on her hair. And, I thought ooh first date...and then she ran into her friend. He did not stay to get introduced, she said he is from out of town and then I WANT to run tell her in the worst way...make sure he is not married.

Oh honestly....need to focus on me/ us, not speculate, realize this is old. Old testament old.

So I guess tonight the movie was not the trigger but there is still no escaping this shit.

Jrazz posted 5/11/2013 23:30 PM


I feel ya. I wonder if we'll always read into things like this?

I get some comfort in the fact that as often as these thoughts may crop up, they get less and less of an audience in my head.

cosmicjoke posted 5/11/2013 23:33 PM

Yes you're not alone. It changes the way you see everything...

crazyblindsided posted 5/12/2013 02:38 AM

I know, it sucks. I even look at happy families and wonder if they have experienced infidelity.

Every time I see a couple in Starbucks I wonder if they are actual AP's.

And I always check to see if both people are wearing their wedding ring, and if not I assume they are cheating or have been cheated on.

TarnishedSilver posted 5/12/2013 10:54 AM

I was at a cookout yesterday and there was this couple with 2 small kids. She plays sports with different men from work. When I asked the husband if he played on the team as well...he said, no Friday night is guys night!

The first thing that came to my mind they both cheat on each other??

I don't think in a million years that would have been my first thought before Dday!

ItStillHurts posted 5/12/2013 15:44 PM

Oh I LIKE this. Thanks for sharing and me feel less jaded and less of a party-pooper. I absolutely hate it when these thoughts creep in and I get the " look".

Helps to share here

SoVerySadNow posted 5/12/2013 15:51 PM

I know what you mean. The other day I was driving past a house on a late Friday afternoon. A man was out washing/ vacuuming his car . The vacuum was being used in the back seat. Immediately, I think, "Oh he's going to go pick up OW and can't have evidence of kid's Cheerios in the back seat." I don't even know this guy or if he's even married. Why couldn't I just think it was someone cleaning their car?

LA44 posted 5/12/2013 20:43 PM

We were on a little family getaway back in March. We were driving out of the resort and there was a man standing in the middle of the golf course with his dog (course was not open yet).

He was on his cell.

I thought: He's calling the Ow under the guise of walking his dog.

Theradin posted 5/13/2013 08:09 AM

Wow! It's nice to hear I'm not alone in these thoughts.

Whenever I see a seemingly happily married couple, especially those with a young child, walking through the park or just taking a stroll as a family, I sometimes catch myself saying to myself, "Man, if only he knew what he was in store for when he finds out his W is cheating on him". It's crazy, because I have absolutely no basis for thinking those thoughts. It's not like I know either of them in any way, but I just see them, see how happy and innocent they look (and likely are!), and can't help but think, "while she is walking with him and their child, I bet she is daydreaming about her OM".

These thoughts have somewhat subsided over the month or so, but I do catch myself thinking it still.

Interestingly, I seem to think this very little, if at all, when the couple appears childless or doesn't seem that physically close to one another (i.e., if they are just walking side-by-side, with no physical contact).

So strange.. Oh well. Par for the course, I guess.

flup posted 5/13/2013 09:24 AM

Taking the dogs for a walk while waiting in a huge line at one of the "open call" vaccinations at a big pet store...

Went next door in a huge parking lot and saw a small car parked at the farthest point you could possibly park away from anything else (so no one will drive up on them). Two people inside - not all over each other, just "talking", but I couldn't get over the feeling that something wasn't right, so I stayed nearby, walking right past their car numerous times, until they got the message and left.

I figured that it was OM/WW out for a ride and their BS's were at home and they had no where else to go...

huRtZ413 posted 5/13/2013 10:05 AM

I always wonder if every couple I see is going through or has gone through what I'm going through now. I hate that I can think that way about ppl I don't know . I look at happy couples with kids and I wonder if he is really happy with her or if he lets her think that .... I get angry when a married man looks at me and smiles. I think you dog!

sodamnlost posted 5/13/2013 10:06 AM

I too see them everywhere - what sucks is when I think I see one and then some sort of "proof" is made known. Makes me wonder if any marriage isn't affected by this ;(

Dark Inertia posted 5/13/2013 10:18 AM

This one time my fiance and I were driving into the mall's parking lot and there was a middle aged couple who had parked their cars waaay in the back right next to each other and were making out like high school kids in between their cars. I told my SO: "Those mofos are cheating." He laughed at me, but I think I was right.

[This message edited by Dark Inertia at 10:18 AM, May 13th (Monday)]

MandoBando posted 5/13/2013 11:07 AM

Same for me. I see a happy couple and think to myself "Just wait, soon you will be as destroyed as the rest of us." And I am almost obsessive about looking at hands for rings now. If I see a couple and one is wearing a ring and the other isn't, I want to smash faces. I miss being able to just smile at someone in passing, without wondering who they are seeing on the side or who they have destroyed recently.

Ashland13 posted 5/13/2013 11:14 AM

Oh yes, this is something that happens to many of us.

I think of it kind of like when people become parents. We develop or grow antennae and can sense things our kids are about to do or can reason through a lie before a confession.

I think these antennae are like another sense we develop as well and we are not so innocent about people any more. Our senses are heightened and I wonder if it comes from the acuteness of the pain, where we anticipate someone else's chances of having this type of pain and we begin to have tendancies to be more negative about people.

Our trust in people in's so ruined that for me, at least, no one is immune and now, they have to earn it. I can't just give it away any longer, whether stranger or friend.

NL (Neighbor Lady) now lives in this for her universe and it's a good example of what I don't want, where the families in our neighborhood and small town who are still intact, she reads really big problems into little ones, or any activities a husband does, she figures must be bad ones or leading up to something.

Life is not a bowl of cherries, is it?

Would we be better off having these antennae prior to the A's? Would we have caught something sooner?

ItStillHurts posted 5/13/2013 22:03 PM

Immediately, I think, "Oh he's going to go pick up OW and can't have evidence of kid's Cheerios in the back seat."

and this:
told my SO: "Those mofos are cheating

Made me laugh out loud,,,,and its good to hear that again

But middle aged folks all over each other, not so good. H and I did sort out alot in the cab of his truck, just talking. For some reason, I could hold it together there long enough to make progress and not taint every room in the house.

The sad truth is I AM now attuned to off-relationships. (((Sigh))). It does suck

libertyrocks posted 5/14/2013 15:53 PM

Me too!! I think every new father is cheating! So sad. Not all men are broken, just mine...

hurtininHouston posted 5/14/2013 16:20 PM

Then it happens to all of us. I go jogging and see couples all over my neighborhood. All I can think of is, are they going through what I am. Which one is the bastard? All my WW can say is, I just want to get back to us. Get back to Happy. Well you sure screwed that pooch didn't you. That might have been a subconscious pun.......

hobbeskat posted 5/14/2013 16:31 PM

Called a woman a slut under my breath because I thought she was cheating. I was wrong. And I am ashamed of myself. I have never called a woman (except the OW) a slut in my entire life. I don't even really believe in sluts.

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