Tonight, at the movies, there was a lady, my age, who was so excited and obviously happy. Dressed with some care, everything was either denim or silver, she spent time on her hair. And, I thought ooh first date...and then she ran into her friend. He did not stay to get introduced, she said he is from out of town and then I WANT to run tell her in the worst way...make sure he is not married.
Oh honestly....need to focus on me/ us, not speculate, realize this is old. Old testament old.
So I guess tonight the movie was not the trigger but there is still no escaping this shit.
I feel ya. I wonder if we'll always read into things like this?
I get some comfort in the fact that as often as these thoughts may crop up, they get less and less of an audience in my head.
Every time I see a couple in Starbucks I wonder if they are actual AP's.
And I always check to see if both people are wearing their wedding ring, and if not I assume they are cheating or have been cheated on.
The first thing that came to my mind is...do they both cheat on each other??
I don't think in a million years that would have been my first thought before Dday!
Healing myself is now my top priority.
Helps to share here
He was on his cell.
I thought: He's calling the Ow under the guise of walking his dog.
Whenever I see a seemingly happily married couple, especially those with a young child, walking through the park or just taking a stroll as a family, I sometimes catch myself saying to myself, "Man, if only he knew what he was in store for when he finds out his W is cheating on him". It's crazy, because I have absolutely no basis for thinking those thoughts. It's not like I know either of them in any way, but I just see them, see how happy and innocent they look (and likely are!), and can't help but think, "while she is walking with him and their child, I bet she is daydreaming about her OM".
These thoughts have somewhat subsided over the month or so, but I do catch myself thinking it still.
Interestingly, I seem to think this very little, if at all, when the couple appears childless or doesn't seem that physically close to one another (i.e., if they are just walking side-by-side, with no physical contact).
So strange.. Oh well. Par for the course, I guess.
Went next door in a huge parking lot and saw a small car parked at the farthest point you could possibly park away from anything else (so no one will drive up on them). Two people inside - not all over each other, just "talking", but I couldn't get over the feeling that something wasn't right, so I stayed nearby, walking right past their car numerous times, until they got the message and left.
I figured that it was OM/WW out for a ride and their BS's were at home and they had no where else to go...
D-Day #1: 12 Aug. 2008. WW's 2nd affair w/college teacher.
D-Day #2: 18 June 2009. Affair #1 with neighbor was fall of 2002 - while I was coping with the fallout from 9/11.
Still trying to R.
22 years married
I'M ON THE FENCE
[This message edited by Dark Inertia at 10:18 AM, May 13th (Monday)]
I think of it kind of like when people become parents. We develop or grow antennae and can sense things our kids are about to do or can reason through a lie before a confession.
I think these antennae are like another sense we develop as well and we are not so innocent about people any more. Our senses are heightened and I wonder if it comes from the acuteness of the pain, where we anticipate someone else's chances of having this type of pain and we begin to have tendancies to be more negative about people.
Our trust in people in general...it's so ruined that for me, at least, no one is immune and now, they have to earn it. I can't just give it away any longer, whether stranger or friend.
NL (Neighbor Lady) now lives in this for her universe and it's a good example of what I don't want, where the families in our neighborhood and small town who are still intact, she reads really big problems into little ones, or any activities a husband does, she figures must be bad ones or leading up to something.
Life is not a bowl of cherries, is it?
Would we be better off having these antennae prior to the A's? Would we have caught something sooner?
You gave me nothing and now it's all I've got - Bono
A person is a person, no matter how small. -Dr. Suess
Perserverance and spirit have done wonders in all ages.
told my SO: "Those mofos are cheating
Made me laugh out loud,,,,and its good to hear that again
But middle aged folks all over each other, not so good. H and I did sort out alot in the cab of his truck, just talking. For some reason, I could hold it together there long enough to make progress and not taint every room in the house.
The sad truth is I AM now attuned to off-relationships. (((Sigh))). It does suck