I vowed fidelity, to cleave unto this person for the rest of my life. That my body would be a shrine to him, and his body a shrine to me. As well as vows for better, worse, sickness, etc. Those were sacred vows to me, to God, to the two of us, to society at large.
His infidelity was a shattering of those vows. Those vows, fidelity, sancity, singleness were broken. Further, they were not broken by him simply not being there for a medical treatment, making a financial mistake or miscalculation and sending us into bankruptsy, or the like. He took his body, sanctified unto the two of us, and polluted it with an outside person. By doing so, and by resuming marital relationships with me, he took my body, sanctified unto himself and and threw dirt and refuse upon it. What once was holy, was defiled. And instead of immediately confessing and seeking to re-sanctify that holy vow, he treated it as worthless and essentially shit upon it.
THAT is what infidelity is. It is the turning of the holy into unholy. That's the true, basic meaning of infidelity.
Now, if you can re-build, re-sanctify that which was profaned, then that is a wonderful and holy thing. But it takes two. Two people utterly committed to doing so and doing the work necessary to wipe all of the shit off, and making whole that which was made asunder. And predictably, it's incredibly hard work. Some people are not up to it. I cannot fault them. The work needed is akin to having your liver torn out on a daily basis until that ravining preditory bird is killed. Some people cannot do it and they are wise to realize it and leave the marriage as quickly as possible. Some betrayers are not capable of committing to the work needed to re-sanctify that which they have shat upon. It takes hard work to make a marriage what it was supposed to be, after a betrayal like infidelity. Hard, consistant, horribly hurting work. And it you or your partner are not up to that, then the best thing that you can do is to get out as quickly as possible, with as little pile-on hurt as possible.
Thankfully, we have more options than our forefathers had. We can choose we are not legally bound be either custom, laws, or being chattel. Divorcing because your spouse snores in bed, doesn't know what a laundry basket is, or dislikes your family/friends is taking vows lightly. Divorcing because your spouse had taken your soul and thrown refuse upon it while stomping it into the mud is totally justifiable in anyone's eyes.
Imagine a ship trying to set sail while towing an anchor. Cutting free is not a gift to the anchor. You must release that burden, not because the anchor is worthy, but because the ship is.
D-Day, June 10, 2012