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Newest Member: reborn78 (46030)

User Topic: Settle for the Best!
Helen of Troy
♀ 26419
Member # 26419
Exclaimation  Posted: 11:32 AM, May 12th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

"To my male readers, please know that this post is not about you. I've talked with so many of you that I know you're the kind of men my female readers need. (Hmmm there may be a idea there . . . )

Daily, I receive questions and horror stories from women about men who aren't good for them. So many of us seem to think that we must take what we can get, because we're lucky to get anything at all.
Relationships are a series of compromises, a mantra I repeat often, but compromise is not the acceptance of inexcusable traits, habits and behaviors from our partners. Society reinforces the idea that older, heavier, poorer, divorced (especially with children) women have little to no chance of finding a desirable man and falling into reciprocal love. Countless women have bought into this idea and, as a result, are conditioned to feel as though they've won the lottery when anything resembling a human male glances in their direction. It just isn't true.

Women with some, or even all, of the traits listed above are finding lasting and loving relationships. I've attended their weddings (some choose not to marry, too) and watched as they've gone on to live joyfully.

Why then are so many women holding on to men who lie, cheat, mistreat, freeload, check out, make them miserable and/or over consume? Is it because they "love" them? No. They aren't loving the man or themselves.

Real love wants to see another (and oneself) live their very best life. Love knows that enabling another to live less that that isn't loving. If you love a scoundrel, leave him and open the way for him to evolve, make better choices or find another sucker.

The women who stay in life draining relationships say they feel as though no one else will want them. Some even note that their current partner tells them this. The fear that we are not good enough is the single most harmful and pervasive human belief and it's a lie. You are good enough. Your beliefs and behaviors might not be. Thankfully, you have the power to change them.

If you want to make a room full of people like and remember you, be interested. Smile, be open and listen carefully to what people share. Ask questions and give feedback. People love to be known.

If you want to make men clamor to get your attention, be interesting. What do men find interesting? A woman who has her own life, agenda, confidence and interests. Find something that you are passionate about (career, project, sport, hobby, etc) and be active in it. Men tell me that it's sexy to see a woman engrossed in something she loves. He imagines himself receiving that attention.

They also tell me that a woman must be careful not to become too masculine. Strong is fine, but bossy, dominant and competitive, not so much. The trick to attracting a substantive man is to be in your power and your femininity simultaneously. Many men still want to be men in the traditional sense. It is critical that you can take care of yourself, but it is wonderful to also be open to receiving care. All, but literally one man I've discussed this with, feel a tremendous sense of fulfillment by making you happy.

The upshot:

You are not too old, heavy, poor, or fill in the blank, to attract a good man. Let go of life draining men. Invest in yourself, it's the sexiest thing to do. Be strong and capable, but be feminine. Don't settle for less than a man worthy of you. There are a ton of great men out there. You'll see them when you believe in them."


Posts: 4728 | Registered: Dec 2009
SoHappyNow
♀ 8923
Member # 8923
Default  Posted: 5:31 PM, May 12th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

You are not too old, heavy, poor, or fill in the blank, to attract a good man. Let go of life draining men. Invest in yourself, it's the sexiest thing to do. Be strong and capable, but be feminine. Don't settle for less than a man worthy of you. There are a ton of great men out there. You'll see them when you believe in them."

This is SO very true!
It's taken me a while to wrap my mind around my own sexiness/attractiveness. I am 5'4" and 300#, so not just a bit overweight here. And will be 65 in September. But it finally sunk in to my understanding when my normal weight and fairly hot man told me "You're the only one who thinks you're fat!"

We can certainly do a number upon our own heads, can't we?


In the depths of winter I finally learned there was in me an invincible summer..Albert Camus

***Used to be hit-by-a-train***
Remarried 2/14/14


Posts: 2302 | Registered: Nov 2005 | From: USA
capri
♀ 14940
Member # 14940
Default  Posted: 11:00 PM, May 12th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I have to agree with the truth of this, too. I have been surprised how many men are not scared off by my large family, and would have liked to keep seeing me.

On the other hand, my experiences with OLD lead me to wonder if I'm too picky or simply incapable of falling in love anymore, which leads me to fear I'll be stupid and settle.


Me: free of the secrets and lies!!!
Divorced 10/2011

Posts: 4483 | Registered: Jun 2007
Topic Posts: 3

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