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??why do i do it??

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Strawda posted 5/12/2013 12:12 PM

Mounths of trueth an no lies and last night i lie about watchen a tv show on tv. I sed i turnd it of cuss i thought of BS an wanted wait an watch with her. She askd if that was true i sed yes. An at end we argued vuss she new was a lie. I dont get why ide do that and betrey my BS an lie let lone diseav and minipulate. I allso let my BS down by by failing my promesses. May be one of reading book for help. Spending 1hour on SI or other sites. Wrighting in my jurnal. An exspeshly the lie of a tv show last night. I proved i havnt hit rock bottem an can still hurt my BS badly. I just dont understand why i give up on the things i sey i going to do. An lie last night. Exspeshly over such a dumb thing. BS has to be around after years of lies and pain. Seeing and knowing all ive done in the A. But yet i can do whats i know i need to do. anuone els this way or know any ideas why i do thes and how to stop.

stilllovinghim posted 5/12/2013 18:22 PM

What was the show about? Was this a show that you were watching that you weren't supposed to because of whatever agreement between you and your BS, or was it something you two watched together and she wanted to watch it with you?

I think you know why you did it and why you lied about it but are unwilling to be honest about it or do the work and find out why and instead turned here for an answer.

You need to do the work. Think about what you thought the moment you decided to watch the program. You did it because you wanted to. You lied because its easier than telling the truth. What you need to figure out is why you allowed yourself to do those things. Its the same WS mindset you had in your A.

BaxtersBFF posted 5/13/2013 06:52 AM

I'm wondering too, was there an agreement that you wouldn't watch this show without your BS? If so, then why did you watch it? If not, then why lie? Where was the harm in telling the truth? What did you hope to gain by lying?

You mention that you aren't at rock-bottom yet. Why do you want to be at rock-bottom before you finally make some of these changes?

Time and again, people here say that it wasn't the A that killed the relationship, but the lying. The continued lies are what kills relationships.

Strawda posted 5/13/2013 10:36 AM

It wasnt that i wasnt to watch the tv show. Its that it was a new tv show that came out an we where going to start the show togetger. An i ended up watching the first episode without her. I felt guilty and regret and hurt i didnt wait. So i lied and sed i hadnt watched it yet. Again thinkng of my feelings not the outcomes and lies and how she feel. Would bin best not to lie i know that. An sey i watchd most of the show. But ide love to watch theholl hing with BS. But i didnt. An is a dumb ass thing to lie of a damn tv show. An is no reson to lie at all of anything. An i hate i did. An want an need get to point i dont. Cuss be only way get my BS trust and safety around me back.

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