I'm wondering too, was there an agreement that you wouldn't watch this show without your BS? If so, then why did you watch it? If not, then why lie? Where was the harm in telling the truth? What did you hope to gain by lying?
You mention that you aren't at rock-bottom yet. Why do you want to be at rock-bottom before you finally make some of these changes?
Time and again, people here say that it wasn't the A that killed the relationship, but the lying. The continued lies are what kills relationships.