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Sam793 posted 5/12/2013 13:33 PM

My BW and I went out last night without kids to talk. She told me from the conversation that she was making the final decision whether we we staying together or not. I was truthful with my answers. We got home and continued on after we but our DD to bed. She said nothing after our talk and I went to bed. This morning I had the kids up and had the Mother's Day card out as well as an anniversary card. It was so hard to choose one since all of them can cause triggers. It's our first anniversary since d day. Of course it caused them. I also got her a present. Unfortunately it wasn't well received. Ahe told me that it sealed the decision to leave me. She was waiting for today to see what I would do. We then went to church and when we got home she told me she was keeping the present as it was also from our children for Mother's Day. She's off right now with her mother shopping. She told me she was going to pick up a few things for me. I politely declined the offer. I'm way too upset to accept things right now. She told me it's just her and she was going to pick it up anyway. I am so depressed. I've been nothing but honest with her. I will say I wasn't at first but have been for quite some time. I've been nothing but helpful to her and she does recognize that. She is very impressed with the way I have been but can't get over the betrayal. Her mind wanders and it upsets her where she just can't get out of moment. I too am dead inside.

Teach8 posted 5/12/2013 14:32 PM

Sam...I'm so sorry you and Lost are hurting so much right now. I wish I had advice to make this better. An LTA has its own set of problems...as all affairs do. I struggle with feeling like my whole life with my wh is a lie. Have you tried to reassure her that your lta was the lie, not your marriage. Do you remind her everyday that you are grateful for the gift of R? Do you bring things up before she seems upset and triggery. I know you are trying and these may be things you already do. (Samd and Lost)

badchoice posted 5/12/2013 20:50 PM

Sam - I am sorry to hear this.

I don't have any great advice for you. She might just be really triggering today, and feel this way right now. Maybe it really is a deal-breaker for her. Don't focus on the outcome right now, only on doing the right things.

Whatever it might be, keep doing the work on yourself. You do not know what the future holds for you right now, so don't give up on things.

Best of luck to both of you.

MegM posted 5/14/2013 07:03 AM

Dear Sam,

I am so sorry you are both having such a difficult day.

I know I have been AWOL . We have been pushing through a big milestone and I needed space from SI to do that.

Bad choice is bang on. Only time will show where Lost is just now. And you need to focus on being authentic. Offering kindness and love. And looking after your babies.

I understand and read the dissapiontment in your post. This suggests some of your actions may still have been focused on expectations for an outcome. A favourable one.

You must focus on being all you can be. Not just on what you think you should be.

I think of yoou both so often. I wish I was better equipped to help you both. Best wishes to your little family. Hold on Sam to your babies and your love for your wife, even if for her well being she needs a path seperate to you for now. Meg.

Sam793 posted 5/15/2013 03:46 AM

Glad for all the comments and also to hear from Meg. I keep reassuring my BW. I try to help her the best way I can but I seem to be a trigger some days and can't bring anything up since just looking at me triggers her.

I keep being the best person I can to her. I won't stop that. I'm there for her and our children and will always be no matter what.

needhelp123 posted 5/17/2013 09:13 AM

It's these posts that really sadden me. I feel for you. I'm still early in the process and I too was involved in a LTA. The end of my marriage is a fear of mine. Having said that, I try everyday to let go of the outcome because working on myself and doing the right thing is important to me. Sounds like it is to you too. I've always said I wouldn't give up until the paper is signed. Keep doing what you're doing. There are stories out here where couples are days away and they choose to reconcile. Good luck and know that you are being heard.