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Emptiness

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ProbableIceCream posted 5/12/2013 22:46 PM

Since the separation I've mostly felt OK with a few rough days. Mostly just a sense of peace with time and space to myself and no drama.

Lately I've been feeling like something is missing.. I'm not sure I'd call it loneliness. It's not that specific. It's more emptiness. I'm not sure what to do about it. My best idea is to start finding activities and/or meetups to fill my time with now that I no longer have as much of a desire to shut myself away as I did. I do notice that even if I do something simple like go for a walk I feel a little better.. something about being outside makes me happier.

SBB posted 5/13/2013 06:28 AM

I liken this place to a vast space between the wasteland that was that relationship and my NB.

I sometimes get lost in this new, unfamiliar terrain and kind of miss the toxic 'normal' I had gotten used to (better the devil you know, apparently) but then when I look ahead I see the lush green shoots of my NB and it soothes me.

We were so focussed on these Ms and these spouses for so long its weird to not be busily in the crazy.

I was busily bored for so long that sitting serenely in the sunshine having a moment of bliss used to feel like I was wasting time.

But then I remember - I have all the time in the world now that I only have to focus on me and my girls.

wonderingbull posted 5/13/2013 09:53 AM

My best idea is to start finding activities and/or meetups to fill my time with now that I no longer have as much of a desire to shut myself away as I did.

I would strongly recommend you take action on this idea.... I believe you'll be amazed how much life there is to live "out there"....

WB

ProbableIceCream posted 5/13/2013 09:59 AM

I guess I will have to experiment! I did do one meetup before the actual separation (at which point I felt like being alone for a while). I enjoyed it a lot. It was just a social dinner. I'm not sure what else would work for me, but I guess I won't know until I try.

I've also considered stuff like volunteering.

BrokenSpirit50 posted 5/13/2013 12:19 PM

Dear PIC I call that feeling the whole in my soul feeling. I can relate, it isn't prominent all the time but seems to have ebbs and tides.

You mentioned attending meetups and that is a great way to get out there and be with people. It seems you are rounding the corner. Sometimes local churches or community centers have different interest groups as well.

You said you might like to volunteer. I commend you for that. They always say that helping others is food for the soul. I hope to volunteer soon for our local food pantry. I signed up and am awaiting a call back.

Good luck.

ManBearDivorce posted 5/13/2013 19:52 PM

I was busily bored for so long that sitting serenely in the sunshine having a moment of bliss used to feel like I was wasting time.

SBB said it best. Now I look forward after my run, laying down on the grass and enjoying the bright sun and clouds that strike imagination back into my life. After all that thinking and collecting my thoughts I got back to my wonderful life of being a great father. Sometimes a long hard look into the vast emptiness will bring out something you thought was never there. You just have to find it that what you are looking for was always with you and not in the world.

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