I think what has been affecting me the most is that I have to stop running and stop denying that something bad DID happen to me. Denial has been my best friend for most of my life.
Yes. I believe you are right on with this.
Denial serves a purpose. It protects us for a time from things we are not ready or strong enough to acknowledge, but you sound like you are becoming strong enough to start dealing with it. Do this at your own pace. In order to completely heal, you will need to acknowledge what happened, as surreal as it seems. It took me quite a while to even believe I was being abused. I was in denial, because I felt it could not happen to me. It only happens to other people, on TV. I was strong and independent. Abused women are supposed to be weak. That is one of the fallacies the media perpetuates.
Trust your gut. Believe in your own feelings and instincts. Be nice to yourself. You have been through a lot. You are bound to feel tired and worn out. That is okay and totally expected. Give yourself some time to cocoon or hibernate and heal. Don't expect too much from yourself right now. You are allowed a breather.
A good counselor can help a lot in facing our reality and learning to handle our traumas and issues.
I am glad you have some support and that your co-workers are being good to you. There are also many on here that have been through similar situations and understand and can help support you.
It is okay to ask for help and lean on others once in a while. You don't have to ALWAYS be strong. The strong tree breaks in a heavy wind. The tree that bends once in a while will be the one that survives.
Hang in there, you are doing good, and seek the support you need and deserve.