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Newest Member: asherssoul (45716)

User Topic: Mood Swings
Butterfly24
♀ 39053
Member # 39053
Default  Posted: 3:29 PM, May 13th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I found out about my WS's affair in April when I went to the dr and found out that I have herpes. Great way to find out, I know.

I have asked him over and over to tell me the truth, of course he says he has. I don't believe it. He does seem remorseful, but so what?

Sometimes, I feel ok, like we can work this out and other times I ask myself why would I want to. I tell myself, I certainly don't have to and question if I even want to.

Sometimes I am so depressed, crying and very sad. Others, I am horribly angry. I want to scream at him to no end. Sometimes, I do.

We have been to MC 3 times. The last time, I had to sit there and listen to him talk about my son. It really pissed me off. What does my son have to do with him cheating on me with a prostitute? Absolutely nothing, that's what.

The MC tells me every time I go that I need to go to IC. Maybe I do, but why should I. Am I the one who hired a prostitute? It appears to me that I got sucked into a situation that I didn't ask for, nor that I want/need to be in.

Someone told me I should ask my dr for depression meds. I remember once a woman I work with told me it was suggested she get depression meds because of her marriage. I remember her saying, why? Before I take meds to help me over a man, I will get rid of the man. And she did just that. That's how I feel too.

This whole situation sucks. I am left so hurt and mad that I just can't figure out what to do. Any advice?


Posts: 64 | Registered: Apr 2013
OneFootForward
♂ 39136
Member # 39136
Default  Posted: 4:05 PM, May 13th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I am sorry you find yourself here Butterfly24, but you are among kindred spirits.

I found out about my WS A less than 30 days ago. It is still very new for me. Before I tackle your questions, you need to look toward the Healing Library in the little yellow box to the upper left. It has a wealth of information. You also need to realize an very, very important thing: this was not your fault. A marriage takes two, an affair means one left.

I have asked him over and over to tell me the truth, of course he says he has. I don't believe it. He does seem remorseful, but so what?

You are having trust issues which is completely understandable. COMPLETELY! All your trust was gone then moment the doctor said STD. Get your WH to write out a timeline of everything. When, where, how, why, etc? Check phone records, internet history, message logs, all of it. See if what he says lines up with the time line. If information is absent, you can download recovery software that will get most of what was lost. If you still do not feel you have it all, have him take a Polygraph. While his remorse is important, it is only part of the process. Right now you need to focus on you. Eat, sleep, drink plenty of water. All hard things to say and equally hard to implement. Do the best you can given the pain you are in.

Sometimes, I feel ok, like we can work this out and other times I ask myself why would I want to. I tell myself, I certainly don't have to and question if I even want to.

...

We have been to MC 3 times. The last time, I had to sit there and listen to him talk about my son. It really pissed me off. What does my son have to do with him cheating on me with a prostitute? Absolutely nothing, that's what.

The MC tells me every time I go that I need to go to IC. Maybe I do, but why should I. Am I the one who hired a prostitute? It appears to me that I got sucked into a situation that I didn't ask for, nor that I want/need to be in.

He is playing you with a shell game, shifting blame. He may be remorseful but it does not mean he is being respectful to your needs. Go see an attorney. It is very empowering to know what your rights are and how to go forward. You have lost a lot of power due to his betrayal; it is time to start taking it back!

The MC tells me every time I go that I need to go to IC. Maybe I do, but why should I. Am I the one who hired a prostitute? It appears to me that I got sucked into a situation that I didn't ask for, nor that I want/need to be in.

...

Someone told me I should ask my dr for depression meds. I remember once a woman I work with told me it was suggested she get depression meds because of her marriage. I remember her saying, why? Before I take meds to help me over a man, I will get rid of the man. And she did just that. That's how I feel too.

I am trying to run down an IC in my town right now. If you can find one, go. A lot of WS suffer from depression and/or PTSD. Seeing a therapist may help you in dealing with the pain and/or prescribing meds for anti-anxiety or sleep. I have said this before, but finding out about the A is like being shot... shot by your spouse. You have a lot of healing to do and a lot of questions that need answering. A professional who has experience in this may be able to guide you down the process to something akin to a whole you.... because WS like the Marriage is never the same again.


Me: 42 BS
Her: 41 EMA
Married: 16 years
D-Day#1: 04/17/13
D-Day#2: 05/8/13
Children: 9,5 (girls)
Om: High School Flame
"Marital problems doesn't make someone a cheater just like financial problems doesn't make someone a thief"

Posts: 71 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: Mobile, AL
Dawn58
♀ 37656
Member # 37656
Default  Posted: 4:16 PM, May 13th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Butterfly24 - so sorry that you are here. Mood swings, yes!!! I found out about the affair almost 5 and a half months ago and I am sorry to say, my moods are still all over the place. I still burst out into tears, and still filled with rage, anxiety, depression and lose. I am now seriously considering medication because it's interfering with the things that I need to get done. I need to be able to think and process information clearly as I move through the divorce process. I have opened up 3 different bank accounts because I could not decide which bank to go with, I react to what he does instead of thinking things through. I still scream in my car. I don't listen to music anymore because I'll hear something and get triggered again and burst into tears again.

He is out of my life, but the emotions are still so strong. Try to get as much sleep as you can, that seems to help with my mood swings. Talk to friends and family, post here as often as you need and try to get some exercise every day. Get those endorphins flowing!

(((Hugs))). Be gentle with yourself, what you are going through is a shock to your system, both emotionally and physically. And you did not ask for this, you did not deserve this.


I got into the marriage, because I loved him. I got out of the marriage, because I love me.

Posts: 487 | Registered: Nov 2012 | From: Southern California
savvy
♀ 39102
Member # 39102
Default  Posted: 6:12 PM, May 13th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Butterfly

I am sorry you have had to find this site. But it is a great site for support. I am new to this as my D-day was just three weeks ago. I wanted to tell you arent alone in the mood swings, I go from I can handle this, to I don't want to live, to just a mess of tears all within 5 mins. It is very painful, the most pain I have ever felt in my life. Just keep posting here It has been a great support to me. wishing you some peace


me-BS (49)
him-WH (49)
2 children 21 and 19
Together 30 years
Ow-(30)and she knew me knew he is married.
D-day 1 4/24/2013
D-day 2. 7/9/2013. Day after anniversary
D-day 3. 8/12/13.
Filing for divorce

Posts: 135 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: connecticut
PurpleBirch
♀ 39170
Member # 39170
Default  Posted: 6:40 PM, May 13th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I know you are not the one who cheated, but having someone neutral to talk to (the IC) can be a real blessing. You can pretty much say whatever you need to say -it's great. I've had lots of experience with it before this though, so I already know how it can help me. Also, no shame in taking meds. There's nothing that says if you start them you can't stop them (I'd tell the dr before stopping though). I was already on preventative PPD meds, so I just asked to increase the dose. I'm back down now though, since things are better (at least, my emotions aren't as all over the place).

I know a bit how you feel on the embarrassment thing. I had to go to my dr's office and get the internal exam. My dr wasn't available, so I had to tell this stranger, a resident, that my husband was an asshole, and please could she examine me. Ick. Did you suspect that you had an STD going in, or was it a complete shock?


Me: BS (32)
Him: WH (31)
Married 3 years.
Confessed to PA April 21 2013.

DS (6), DS (18 months)

Aug 30 2013 He gives me back his ring with an ultimatum: "Get over it or get out".

Status: Done like dinner


Posts: 277 | Registered: May 2013 | From: The frozen North, eh?
Beautifulmom
♀ 37611
Member # 37611
Default  Posted: 9:37 PM, May 13th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hi there. I'm so sorry for whet you are going through! A couple of things id like to tell you that helped me. First, I understand your anger about IC when it isn't even your fault. The thing is, now your life should be all about you. I went to IC to figure out if I should go or stay, and to make sure I could feel good about whatever decision I made.
I am at 6 months right now. The frequent mood swings and violent rages have mostly subsided. I have good and bad days. I still feel like screaming f you sometimes. But I feel this whole thing weaving into the fabric of who I am ( sadly), not driving my life anymore.
the best advice I got was that you just have to go through this to heal properly. Give yourself love and and patience. You have to go through the anger, depression, and sadness to reach the other
side. My iCsaid that accepting that time is the only true way to get out of this pain is the hardest thing to accept.
Don't be ashamed about the antidepressants. I'm a pharmacist, and I did try an
antidepressant for the anxiety I was feeling. It wasn't for me, but LOTS of people say they are a great help to them.
Good luck. Take it day by day. Cherish the time with your son and the people who love and support you.

[This message edited by Beautifulmom at 9:45 PM, May 13th (Monday)]


33 years old (Wh and me)
Married 10 years
2 children: 4yo and 1yo
Dday#1 10/28/12
Dday#2 12/24/12 (Merry Christmas)
Affair: 3+ years (as far as I know) w/my best friend of 14 years

Posts: 71 | Registered: Nov 2012 | From: Beautifulmom
Topic Posts: 6

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