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Anyone R, then D or seperate?

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libertyrocks posted 5/13/2013 15:45 PM

I posted here when I left H for a period of time. We are in R now.

But, wondering if any of you R'd, only to find out it wasn't going to work out.

Irolnyatbest posted 5/13/2013 17:01 PM

My WH begged for a chance to R with me. It lasted 7 months until this past Monday. In truth he only put effort in for 5 months. Then he told me it was too hard and he wouldn't and couldn't do what I needed to R. DEVESTATION.
Especially after explaining prior to R what hard work it would take. I will suffer, my step children will suffer. We will all suffer and he will carry on oblivious to the destruction and hearts he has left destroyed in his wake. So now we are D. It's not the betrayed spouses choice how R goes, it is up to the WS to do the work.

nolight posted 5/13/2013 17:06 PM

Yup. We got back together a few years later. Only to have him leave for the same OW again.

cmego posted 5/13/2013 17:13 PM

We R'd for 9 months, then I found out that he was still in contact with his AP. We S immediately and I've never looked back.

SBB posted 5/13/2013 17:14 PM

Yes. 8w S followed by 3m False R. Once we sold the house I wanted to S for a year. I wanted to follow through with D and separate everything.

I didn't want that M anymore. I thought doing this would give me a clean slate.

He finally set me free when I put an application in for a rental property. Told me I wasn't invested in R, I was just trying to punish him.

20 weeks after final S this 40 year old loser was ready to introduce his 24 year old office gopher/obviously prior OW to my almost 5 and 2.5 year olds as his GF. I didn't consider her a threat as I trusted her taste more than I trusted his fidelity.

False R was far worse than DD but in all honesty I think I needed it to let him go fully. He love bombed me the whole time, just as he did during the early 'good' years of our marriage.

Seeing the mask be constructed then slip off in such a short space of time allowed me to see exactly how he had manipulated me for so long. I saw exactly who he was.

It also illustrated how much I had lied to myself for so long. His skills of deception were no match for my own skills of self-deception.

There is no venom in True Remorse whether in R, S or D.

crazynot posted 5/13/2013 17:15 PM

Was desperate to R, he dumped OW for six months then went back to her when she started cutting herself (how mature). Then he ran off with our 14 year old son clinging to him and begging him not to. That was it. If I had my time again I wouldn't have given him house-room after he came to me with his 'I'm seeing someone else' fuckwittage.

phmh posted 5/13/2013 19:56 PM

I just bumped up an old thread where others responded.

Good luck with your decision!

bwok3 posted 5/13/2013 21:09 PM

Yes, we separated for a year. Did MC and IC, both of us. We both worked very hard, or so I thought. 9 months after R (in which i was actually the happiest I have ever been in my life) I discovered he had started an EA, while we were in MC and then just never bothered to end it. To this day he still doesnt understand why I am so upset about it. It was just talking

Bluebird26 posted 5/14/2013 04:33 AM

We did R for 2 years, but it was false we event went to MC for over a year. He eventually strayed again and I gave him a choice me or her. He chose her. It was an exit affair, he had a whole 'new' life lined up to go too.

We are now divorced. And now almost 2 years out I am so glad I don't have to deal with it anymore. The OW will now have to worry about him straying again.

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