i have been unhappily married since DD1 which was three years ago because i could never completely trust him and the romance was gone.
I still don't want to see him hurt. what is wrong with me? He has broken my heart three times and I still can't stay mad at him.
Try to stay strong.. i know it's hard but that's what i'm trying to do.. ((hugs))
You're struggling to reconcile the two - I think we all do.
Their fuckery makes it easier. I remember feeling my love for him leave my body in drips and drabs.
My husband died. TBH I still love that man to this day, even though he never existed. I'm still mourning him.
But, my eyes are wide open now. I do not love this guy. I loathe him for what he is doing to my girls but I don't loathe him anymore. He is irrelevant to me.
I suggest you have a read of the co-dependant thread just in case you find anything familiar in there. I don't wish happiness or hurt for the sad clown. I don't wish anything - except maybe healing for my girls sake. I won't hold my breath though. He is too far gone.
Status: D 2011
Above all, be the heroine, not the victim. - Nora Ephron
It is our choices...that show what we truly are, far more than our abilities.
- J. K. Rowling
One aspect of those feelings I've been told that helps is the thought that it could be somewhat of a maternal instinct that a BW develops for a H over the years?
Like, I don't think I have romantic love and I don't think I have physical love, so what other kind could it be and why? And what comes back is the maternal love idea.
Yes, the post that says we love the image of the guy we married is good, I've felt that and it helped me understand why I've had trouble letting go.
I suspect that even when some feelings are taken away, like trust, I suspect that because we are so complex as humans, we can still love...but it's not the innocent love as before but maybe a different one.
I find myself drawn to imagery lately. I find some of my writing changing, and some of my speaking is changing also. I don't know if this will help anyone, but I have this image in my mind that I will share, where it's the feelings that are left for STBXH that remain but have nowhere to go and no one to receive them any more.
I think of it kind of like a treasure box or jewelry box, where in my mind I have to put those feelings away. Maybe if they are in a safe place and locked away with a key, no one can hurt them any more and I can protect them and continue trying to move on.
That's a goal I have and I may go out and get a little decorative box and hide it somewhere.
A person is a person, no matter how small. -Dr. Suess
Perserverance and spirit have done wonders in all ages.
I love the man that I thought I married. I had no idea that the man I married was broken. that he was incapable of truly loving another but was only concerned about getting his needs met. I am trying to learn as much as I can about Narcissism, because that is what I married.
I am trying to reconcile the man I married with the cheating pig I left. No one saw this coming. I had no idea he was having an affair and everyone I told has been shocked.
He is a master deceiver, blames others and just moves on. I was just an unfortunate victim of his brokenness.
I don't trust him. I am angry that he never gave the marriage a chance, that he was dishonest with me, that he lied to me. I am angry at her for approaching my husband, but he took the bait.
I miss my life, I miss the marriage I thought I had, I miss loving the man that I thought he was.
Right now, I want him to bear the consequences of his actions. My hands are tied right now and that infuriates me.
I have loved him for 8 1/2 years and unlike him, I can't just turn off my heart. It will take time. When I remember who he really is (a lying cheat), how he treated me the last few days I lived with him (with total contempt) and the lie that our life was together, I don't miss him. I don't want him in my life. Even if he wanted to reconcile, the trust is gone, the pain is too great. There's no going back.
And you deserve so much more than he can give you.
I understand. I don't hate my WH. I hope he has a good, happy life. I hope he is more honest with his next relationship. I can't live the way he wants to. I mourn the life we had together (the real parts and the ones I imagined) and what was supposed to be. I have no idea what life holds for me.
We will always be tied. We have two wonderful children. I hope to someday attend their weddings, be around to play with their children. My WH and I will see each other at these times. I hope that we can be happy for each other once we find whatever happiness we can separately.
I saw him, I could not unsee him. -StrongButBroken
There came a point when it was too painful to love him, so I stopped.
Take care of yourself.
This is it. The darkest day. The blackest hour. Chin up, shoulders back. Let's see what we're made of, you and I.
― The Doctor
It was easier for me to accept that this was the kind of person I am rather than fight it. Our entire marriage wasn't a sham, I know that. I also don't regret the day we got married because he is the father of the children that are my world. It's like the Garth Brooks song that in order to miss all the pain, I'd have had to miss the dance.
Don't beat yourself up right now while emotions are still raw. Give yourself time and you will know, in your heart, what your true feelings are...just don't let those feelings do anything you might regret.
I still love my WH very much. The broken trust hasn't sucked the love out of me. There were wonderful times together, two beautiful children and 13.5 years of companionship. It's a lot of good to remember and I hope that we can be friends.
We are human and complex and it is a credit to you that you love him and wish him well.