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14 Days since D-Day

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madsadalone posted 5/13/2013 21:03 PM

From reading this board and other sources I believe that I have a blame shifting, cake- eating "wag the dog" specialist on my hands.

I spent about five days crying, drinking, begging for answers to be told absolutely nothing.

Now, I am just flat pissed! For the last few days I have disengaged. Unless you want to tell me the who, when, what and where.. piss off. He keeps telling me how much he loves me, wants to go to MC, yet has done nothing about it. No money, blah, blah, blah.

I understand that I am the one that confronted him about this situation, but my responsibility ends there. I know that because of the trauma of the cheating that decisions should not be made in haste, but I think that he is pissed about being caught, not about what he has done to our 26 year marriage. Anyone else start this journey this way and have any positive result?

ThoughtIKnewYa posted 5/14/2013 02:06 AM

Yes. I did. It was hell in the beginning and dealing with him was like dealing with a sullen teen. It took some time, but he slowly came around. Our d-day was six years ago and we're doing well.

FeelingSoMuch posted 5/14/2013 02:34 AM

I started in a similar fashion with my WW. At first she said they "just kissed."

When I figured out who and confronted the OM, he said they had been sleeping together for nine months. Sometimes at my house.

It was horrible. It's been three months and my WW says she's "sorry for hurting us." What I need to hear from her is that she's sorry for cheating, sorry for destroying our marriage.

At times, she acts like she's angry at me for ending her other relationship with the OM.

Trust your gut feelings. Trust your instincts.

You might have to go to MC to get your answers.

Your questions are valid. The funny thing I discovered about SI is that I'm not special. None of us are. The WS all acts about the same and the BS also all react roughly the same way.

Others behaving like your BS eventually admitted to what they did. Pursue it.

Good luck. This is immensely painful.


madsadalone posted 5/14/2013 10:51 AM

A switch has been flipped within, I feel an overwhelming calm. Hard to describe really. He is out of town for a week and somehow I could careless. I did take a call from him this morning and after two words he asked why I had a chip on my shoulder! I could only sigh, and said I am going to heal me, and hung up.

I understand that it has been a short time since I caught him,but I already feel done.

Is this normal?

FeelingSoMuch posted 5/14/2013 14:39 PM

I don't know if that feeling will last. For me, it's been up and down for three months.

PurpleBirch posted 5/14/2013 21:26 PM

I've been up and down for months as well. Maybe get your ducks in a row? I wanted to hold off seeing as I wasn't 100% sure he did cheat. Now that I know, I have a good idea of what I want to do, but it still sometimes changes.

What pp said: I thought that when first reading here. That someone else was describing my WH. Their behavior is so similar it's scary!

Dawn58 posted 5/15/2013 10:53 AM

So sorry that you are here. And yes, the similarity between all of our cheating spouses is astounding!!!!! And our reactions are so very similar. The pain, the wanting to know why, the feelings of betrayal and rejection.

I think that for me, the positive result will be the healing of my heart, the knowledge that I was not to blame for the affair and to move on. My WS has shown no remorse and is with the OW. His choice. We are going through a divorce and it's tearing me apart. It's been so hard. The positive result will be that I still believe in love.

Expect the emotional roller coaster ride. You will find support and understanding here.

LonelyHusband posted 5/15/2013 13:16 PM

I think that he is pissed about being caught, not about what he has done to our 26 year marriage

That's fairly common tbh. I got shouted at for interfering with my wife's private life. I seem to remember apologising, so you're doing a lot better than I did!

madsadalone posted 5/15/2013 19:40 PM

Today I asked him to tell something, anything. What I was told is this: I can not tell you anything until we have a safe neutral party to mediate what I have to say...

I flipped out. He has told me nothing thus far. I told him that I would not allow him to dictate how and when I get to heal. I am utterly speechless.

Honestly, it is a damn good thing he is not here.

Everyday I am closer to walking away.This is just cruelty.

I wonder who this stranger is... this IS NOT the man I married..

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