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Foolme1 posted 5/13/2013 23:12 PM

After I confronted him, he became very loving, telling me constantly that he loves me, etc. however, his phone he still gaurds with his life. I've got my exit plan in place. My step daughter comes to stay with us for the summer. Once she leaves, I'm making my exit plan. Whether I have concrete proof or not (like actually catching him physically in bed with another woman) doesn't matter. What matters is I do not trust him. And I cannot stay with someone I do not trust. Just 8 more weeks. I can pretend everything is fine for 8 more weeks before I pull the rug from underneath him.....

k9lover1 posted 5/14/2013 07:40 AM

I'm so sorry that you find yourself in this situation. If I may be so bold, the stepdaughter is just an excuse not to take control of your life immediately. You're grasping at straws, which is fine, but if this is the case, be honest with yourself.

If you're really hoping that the next 8 weeks will turn him around, then acknowledge that. Are you doing it for him - for the SD?

Maybe, if you walk away now, he'll be forced to spend time with his daughter and bond with her - it could be the best thing that has happened to them.

Your relationship with him sounds tenuous at best. Do you have any plans to marry - any commitment in the future? Or will he continue to pretend that he is single and sometimes has his child for visitation.

Good luck - I've seen this dance before.

Foolme1 posted 5/14/2013 09:55 AM

K9lover, I appreciate your observation. Honestly, it's not in hopes that he changes. I don't think he can or is even willing to try. I've been in my stepdaughters life her whole life. She was only 7 months old when we started dating 13 years ago. I love her like my own. Her mother was recently arrested on drug and prostitution charges, and she was really looking forward to coming here for normalcy. Yes, my stbx is fighting for custody, but I'm not waiting around for that. I just don't want more chaos for her. She's been through so much...I'm literally tearing up thinking about this. I wish we could work out bc I have bonded with her and wanted to be a mother figure through her teen years. Oh well...

k94ever posted 5/14/2013 10:18 AM

Dear Foolme,

Perhaps you can still be a figure in her life. Don't give up on her just because you and her Dad didn't make it.

Speaking from experience....the feelings of abandonment and rejection have a lasting effect. Please talk with her and work something out for the two of you.

k9

PurpleBirch posted 5/14/2013 21:20 PM

That's one thing that worries me about my SD. I want one more visit with her to tell her that she can always call me if she needs to talk. Not sure that'll happen though cause WH doesn't want her/BM/his FOO to know he's not sleeping in my bed, so she isn't coming for a visit anytime soon :(

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