Sending you big hugs savvy!
I am five and a half months out and still feel that way. No joy, no enthusiasm for the day ahead. Just try to get through the day the best I can.
We have suffered a terrible thing, a terrible loss.
The nightmarish quality is starting to lift a bit. I know this is my life now. Not the life I thought I was going to have.
I hope that over time, this will change and my joy will come back to me. My son came home last weekend and it was so good to see him. I felt more like myself. I feel better when I am with (some) people so I am trying to do more of that instead of isolating myself. I find that I hold myself back a bit because I am so protective over my heart right now.
My joy came from loving my husband and family. Sharing their happiness. So now I get to redefine that.
This above all: to thine own self be true, and it must follow, as the night the day, thou canst not then be false to any man ~ Shakespeare, Hamlet
we saw a frog and she shouted "EWWWW!!" and I said it might turn into a prince one day, and she said I wouldn't want that prince hed be all slimy!! too true baby, too true
How can you love what you cant trust?
At first, it was paralyzing. Now, it's a mixture of paralyzing pain and a deep sadness at other times.
For the last three months I have thought about nothing else. People talk to me in personal or work life and all I visualize is the A.
But more and more I can focus on life and I'm back to about 2/3 productivity at work. On most days. Some days are too hard.
We're attempting R. I don't feel she's fully committed yet and I don't feel I'm anywhere near ready to forgive.
Accepting that the pain is going to last years is helping me compartmentalize it so I don't lose everything else in my life the way I lost my marriage.
I don't believe the pain will ever go away, but from what others have posted here, not only can you eventually live with it, it'll change enough that you can be happy again.
That takes time.
For now, I'm on anti-depressants. They help immensely. This is going to sound ridiculous. I'm a guy who had never baked before. I learned how to bake bread and when I'm home alone with my thoughts I bake bread. Weird, but it's been helpful.
At work, I'll sometimes vent on SI before I can attend a meeting. That helps, too.
Going to the gym has been good, although on more than one occasion I cried on the exercise bike. Before the A I hadn't cried in something like a decade.
I'm sorry for your pain. It's with you -- and us -- for life. But it changes into a different kind of pain with time AND with work. We're in MC and IC. Time alone wouldn't have helped.
Also, for me, it's been helpful to have my WW around. It doesn't mean that we're going to stay together. I'm following the advice of some of the veterans here and waiting about a year to make that choice. It's been helpful to have her in MC as far as understanding her reasons for the A -- they're all faulty and she now sees that.
I can also vent to her -- she used to be my best friend. Most of the time she doesn't want to hear it, but it makes me feel better to vent anyways.
Good luck. Just don't ever give up and don't be shy to ask for help. You need it. Affairs are incredibly damaging. There's a signature on SI that reads, "guns don't kill people, affairs do."
That people even compare the two, it shows how destructive affairs are for all persons involved. Even the stupid WS.
I only found out a little over a month ago, I too wonder if it ever goes away.
I am sorry your husband is not being honest with you.
He needs to either free you or recommit.
Has he tried IC at all? I know it has been 3 weeks but it is all terribly new.
You are total normal in feeling everything you feel. You are still in shock.
It is hard to enjoy life when you are hurt and paralyzed.
Saying prayers and sending hugs. Try, just try to be good to yourself.
Whatever outcome will take years to settle, according to the vets here. I'm at almost three months and far from feeling good or any resolution. Except one: I accept that this will take time, the next few years of our lives. That's unfair as hell. The only thing I can do is strengthen myself for the ride, set boundaries and go for help -- no one is strong enough to go through this alone. SI helps, MC helps, so does IC. Friends help, too. With everything except relationship advice. Unless you survive an A you don't know what it's like and can't give advice.
I wish you strength. And forgive yourself if there ate days when you just want to bake bread and drink Martinis without talking to anyone before going to bed :)
Thinking hurts, but helps you sort out the A and how to move forward. BTW, it took me this long to have a plan. And my plan is very short term: I'm going to strengthen myself.