This is actually the first time I have posted. I've read so many WW threads that helped me and now I'm the BS. I hope you will indulge me a post in the WW section b/c my feelings about being a WWS definitely feed into finding out last night that my husband has been having an affair.
I'll start from the beginning... my husband has been verbally abusive for as long as I've known him. I really got worse the last couple of years. We have a child with severe ADHD, which will challenge any marriage. He has been physically abusive with our son. We started marriage counseling in Feb. 2012, but gave up after it became apparent he was only going to appease me. I gave up hope and wanted to escape my life. I got on websites and met with various men. I never wanted an emotional affair and mine was only physical.
On June 30, 2012 he found out. I didn't come clean about everything at once because I was afraid of him. So, the facts trickled out. During the 2 months that we were trying to work things out, I didn't know what I was going to get from day to day, hour to hour. Sometimes anger, sometimes he wanted an open marriage. The worst was when he called me any horrible name you can think of, insulted me in ways that he knew would hurt me, hit me, choked me, humiliated me, made me perform sexual acts on him, threatened to kill me, ruin my life, my business, take our children away, kick me out of the house. I was truly afraid of him, but I stayed because there was no way I was leaving our children with him.
We started MC in September. There were a lot of ups & downs but the experience was truly wonderful. He took responsibility for his actions that led me to a place to cheat and he started Anger Management therapy. He started acting again like the man I fell in love with. No more outburts. We still have issues to work through. I was horrible shamed and needed to work through my guilt. We wrote forgiveness letters to each other asking to be forgiven for each specific act that we did to hurt each other. Finally the sun came out and I thought we made it through the storm. We had our last session with our MC in early May.
Last night I found out that while we were working through our problems and going to counseling, he was having an affair. Just one women, emotional. He had dates with her, took her to dinner, bought her flowers and he loved her. Supposedly they ended things just last month.
So now I'm the BS. And I feel guilty all over again, like this is all my fault. If I hadn't cheated, then he wouldn't have cheated. I'm getting what I deserved. Only I thought we were finally a team again, working to make our marriage even stronger and now I find out I was the only one really working.
I'm trying to get an appointment this week with my MC. I'm lost. Any advice? I'm completely numb.
Married 15 yrs.
Mine DD - 6/2012
His DD - 5/2013