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savvy posted 5/14/2013 09:46 AM

I don't know what to do with my emotions. I am so damn scared of what the future is going to bring. I have a whole day ahead of me with no work, and everyone else is at work what am I supposed to do with myself I sometimes don't feel like going on.

1Faith posted 5/14/2013 10:07 AM


Go out and do something. Anything. Movie, shopping, lunch, something.

The worst thing to do is stay and think about EVERYTHING.

You can't/won't have all the answers - EVER. So take it one day and one situation at a time. The future will take care of itself. We don't know the plan but we know it will happen regardless of how much we worry/fret.

Today, go see your mom. Do something that makes you feel good about you.

Write "affair" on a piece of paper and burn it. Let it go for now.

Keep moving. You can do it. I know you can.

Stand tall, shoulders up and move sister.


h0pe4ul posted 5/14/2013 10:17 AM

Hi Savvy.

1Faith just offered you some great advice.

I am not an expert in any way but it sounds like depression is starting to kick in for you.

I read in your previous post how hard it is just to get out of bed and I can tell you I've been there one too many times, for too many years...(even just a few weeks ago).

While it is good to process our feelings when dealing w/the aftermath of an A, it's also so very important to take care of ourselves in the process.

I am now working on losing ALL of the weight (all 39 lbs, give a take a few from pregnancy), left that I gained due to emotional eating while depressed about my M, and my life in general.

I was a lot heavier just a couple of years ago and managed by God's grace to lose close to 25 lbs of what I gained coming into R but still have a ways to go and am working on...

Don't let yourself get there because of losing yourself.

I know it's easier said than done but 1Faith is right. It's OK to give yourself a break from all of the heartache and pain you've been through recently.

You always have us at SI but if possible, see if you can build a support group who cares about your well-being that you can be around (even if just to do things with and not really talk about the A with) to give you a break from your reality a little.

Doing so may put some things into perspective for you and instead of staying home in fear of the future, you may begin to get proactive about your present and take your future by the horns!!

You can't control what your WH decides to do but you don't have to let what he does dictate how your life is going to be now. You couldn't control his A but you can control how you let what he did affect you.

Hurt and cry when you need to but also live and enjoy yourself too when you need to because you have to look out for you more than anything else right now.

You are not alone! Feel better, Sis!!!

luv_lost posted 5/14/2013 10:55 AM

I'm sorry savvy you are on this emotional rollercoaster but know you are not alone! You have all of us for support and I agree with 1Faith and h0pe4ul! Go treat yourself, get a pedicure/manicure, go shopping, go test drive a car for the hell of it (I think I'm banned from the local dealerships at this point...), just do YOU!

You are stronger than how you feel right now. (((savvy)))

Hurt2Deeply posted 5/14/2013 22:59 PM

I know it hurts so much. Don't give up. You will be OK somehow. You may need med for depression and/or anxiety right now.

Keep posting.


Brokenheart777 posted 5/14/2013 23:14 PM

We've all felt it Savy. I've felt exactly how you feel. It's a horrible feeling and seems insurmountable, and at times, for me, it absolutely was. Right now, just focus on anything that you can do for yourself that you enjoy, or used to enjoy. I know that most everything lacks enjoyment right now, but I assure you that there are still things that you enjoyed doing that you can do now to help you through this. Many say to just go for a walk. That didn't work for me personally. Most of the time I was too depressed to leave the house. But I found comfort here in the forums, reading and posting.

It's a cliche and overused statement here Savy, but time will heal and you will feel better with it. Just keep focusing on you. I'm glad that you keep posting. Surviving Infidelity sucks, but you are surviving. Wishing you strength.

LearningToFly posted 5/15/2013 00:08 AM


I'm sorry you are going through this. After so many years with someone, the last thing you expect to hear is that they aren't who you thought they were. I have the same feelings you do about the future. Its so scary to think about. The people I talk to keep telling me not to worry too much about the future just focus on getting through the day. Its hard.

I just watched Fried Green Tomatoes. Have you ever watched that movie? It really cheers me up. Can you call a friend and go out for lunch?

You are loved and your life is worth something. Don't let your dumb husband make you believe anything different. ((((hugs))))

hopefulmother posted 5/15/2013 13:33 PM

Find a hobby outside.

Art? Volunteer work? Whatever you like or wanted to be.

I know what it is like to be stuck at home. To stew on this. I am a stay-at-home mother.

If it is because you are really too tired to get going (depression/motivation) try drugs to get that boost.

The best thing you can do-flourish in-spite of the A.

savvy posted 5/15/2013 14:44 PM

Thank you everyone for the suppport I am pursuing outside interests. I have reconnected with an old friend and we have plans for dinner on Friday, which I do look forward to. I also put a phone call in today to start horseback riding lessons.(something I have always wanted to do) I am walking or going to the gym daily. I started going to a divorce/seperation support group. I also force myself to go to work, which is the hardest because my Wh and I own the business together. He isn't always there but we do run into each other which is painful for me. It also makes it impossible to do the 180 to the full extent. I feel so lost and just plain defeated even with doing all these things. I have huge chunks of the day when nobody is around and I don't have to be at work, and my classes at school have finished for the summer. I need to realize that it will be ok to be alone that I can make it on my own. I just don't feel it right now everything is such an effort. I look forward to bedtime (I know thats pathetic) This is going to sound weird but I wish I had a good male friend that would just hold me, not in an intimate way, just to have those strong arms around me and tell me it will be ok. I know I'm rambling I just need to keep getting it out. It is nice to be able to come here and just let it out, I wish none of us had to be here, but I am grateful for this SI. Being in Limbo not knowing which direction this is going is hard, he doesn't know what he wants, and I need time to process before I make any decisions. I guess I have to just keep doing what I am doing and work through this intense pain.

[This message edited by savvy at 2:48 PM, May 15th (Wednesday)]

Brokenheart777 posted 5/15/2013 17:32 PM

Wanting a companion of the opposite sex is something that I struggled with greatly. I still do from time to time. I just miss hugs, holding someone and having them hold you. It sucks but your happiness simply isn't dependent on that, which I realize. So no, it doesn't sound weird at all to say that, Savy. Hope you are doing well.

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