If you want them to quit stabbing you in the back, then you need to quit handing them the knife.
People ask me about his visits with DD and neither of them tell me much and I don't ask, just about her. I don't want to know about his job search or what it's like where he lives...why would any of us?
FWIW, I say to people, "It's not mine to worry about unless DD has a problem." Sometimes it shuts people up and if it offends anyone, they have to get over that.
Yes, I feel the isolation also even though many people I know have been divorced-scary how many-though not all with adultery.
I also ask people not to tell me anything they hear about Perv and it took me a really long time to get to that point, because when he first left, I was like a sponge trying to learn about him.
The parenting plan Perv tried to attempt has already failed, so I won't sign a darn thing! Sometimes it feels like dealing with another kid!
I am pregnant and getting divorced and hope not to rant, but am very agitated and upset by people askin if I am keeping this baby.
A person is a person, no matter how small. -Dr. Suess
Perserverance and spirit have done wonders in all ages.
-George Washington
My situation is that the Dooosh has not spoken to our oldest daughter since 2011... because she decided NOT to accept what he did and believe that the OW is "an angel, a real sweetheart!" and instead got pissed off at him for cheating and breaking her heart (and her mom's). I can at least explain that as my oldest (she is an adult) having her own opinion, and since it didn't flow with his "picture" of how this was going to play out, it was easier for him to just make up a bunch of bullshit and claim she was a little bitch and difficult and won't speak to him and that's that. And he didn't try to fix anything, so that showed her!! {eyeroll}
He has also stopped seeing our middle daughter - she is in middle school. People ask why, and this one I cannot explain. Well, not rationally anyway. I don't really understand why, aside from the fact that he is a major dooosh, the world is supposed to revolve around him and his beliefs, and he is turning out to be as big a dickhead as his narcissistic cheating father (who also wrote off his children, and still does, according to who is in his pocket at any particular time.) Guess he is just doing what he knows?
Disgusting behavior.
But I have no idea how to explain it to anyone. It doesn't make sense to me, or to any REAL parents - you know the ones, those who would do anything to be there for their kids. But then again, these cheaters threw all that out the window when they cheated and blasted their families apart so I'm not surprised by their craptastic behaviors anymore.
You don't owe anyone explanations. And you sure as hell don't have to explain your X. So not your job.
And never grow a wishbone, daughter, where your backbone ought to be. ― Sarah McMane
In my situation the idiot handled everything from DDay forward so chaotically and crazily, that 98% of the people we know together simply believe he lost his mind, so I've never been asked much, just sympathy looks, lol.
DDay:2011 Status: D 2011 Remarried to a kind and wonderful man - 2017
Above all, be the heroine, not the victim. - Nora Ephron
It is our choices...that show what we truly are, far more than our abilities. - J. K.
If they want an explanation for why? We(they-when talking about the kids) had a difference of religious opinion, He thought he was God, we(they) disagreed.
It gets them thinking... which was all I wanted in the first place.
But.. it is interesting.
One thing I have learned in this situation with X's not forthcoming with information is that I am not the first to go down this path. Nor will I be the last.
They get that he doesn't provide anything you ask for... they just do not want to deal with it.
Hugs,
K
Don't feel alone, there are tons of "us" out there...
(((((will get by)))))
I understand.
It does feel like the fact that we co-parent with a fucking lower muppet controlled by the strings of Satan himself is somehow OUR ignorant or faulty parenting?? I know what this feels like.
I DON'T KNOW where ex is going to have my children at any given time. I DON'T TRUST that they will be where I think they are, buckled up, around decent/safe human beings, treated decently as human beings, or available to me by phone... yet, I will send them off with a forced smile and abide by the court order that protects their right to time with their father.
The answer to those questions is an exhausting explanation that withholding all such information from me is a game, meant to discourage and frustrate me and that my only recourse is an expensive and fruitless game that only provides HIM with proof of his power to frustrate me. Court ordered to provide information? Who verifies it is true? Who prevents it from changing with the wind? Who holds his feet to the fire when he lies or misleads or takes off on "vacation?" yeah. What the fuck ever.
And every time the question is asked and I have to shrug explain and feel like the idiot who allows this to happen to me and the children the person asking the question becomes an unwitting player in HIS GAME and that usually makes me feel somewhat bitter and frustrated with the question and the asker.
The only solution I have found is to fucking not care what the answer is. Like yeah, whatever. Where you going son? out. When will you be home? later. Sure! have fun!
(((hugs)))
