IC is definitely a requirement for R. I don't want to go through this again and neither does he. He needs to figure out what is broken inside of him that he thought the A was going to fix.
It's easier to fix an M than it is to fix a person, but he's worth it.
He has FOO issues and other abuse issues. He's also conflict avoidant, intensely uncomfortable talking about or identifying his feelings, rebellious by nature and resistant to change. He needs to change in significant ways before I will consider staying with him.
He needs to reinvent himself because between his A and the worst parts of his personality, he's no longer a great catch.