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If not over, it's ending

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tabitha95 posted 5/15/2013 01:14 AM

Not to go into every specific detail, but I have been feeling really disconnected from SO. I tell him that, but things don't improve.

He moved about 20+ minutes away, but he doesn't have a car.

I felt that he blew me off on my birthday, not trying to make any plans until right before I needed to leave for a family event. I told him after the event that my heart was broken that he didn't try and arrange anything. He blames it on not having a car and not wanting me to always have to drive since he moved so far.

We only see each other once a week at best....sometimes once every 10 days.

Jump to tonight. I find out that he had an opportunity to buy a car from a friend really cheap. So he did....for his son. I had a really bad day with work and an EX issue and this just set it off worse. I took him home and we didn't talk the whole 20 minute drive.

Tell me that I need to just end it. He's not a jerk. He's one of those guys that can say the right thing, but the actions stop adding up.

nolight posted 5/15/2013 06:03 AM

I'm sorry to say but it sounds as though he is doing the weak thing and is distancing himself rather then ending the relationship. For a special occasion like your birthday he'd have made the effort car or not, he'll even for a weekend he'd make the effort. Cut him away you've been through too much to extend your heartache over this guy.

tabitha95 posted 5/15/2013 11:27 AM

I just don't feel that he's putting the effort into our relationship. All I get is lip-service.

I am feeling anxious, because I suffer from anxiety horribly, but not especially sad. I'm not sure if I can get my emotions right on this.

Amazonia posted 5/15/2013 11:33 AM

I don't understand him not having a car - are you in a major metro area with public transit? If so, why doesn't he just hop a bus to get to you? If not, how does he get to work, run errands, etc?

I think you deserve someone willing to put in the effort.

tabitha95 posted 5/15/2013 11:57 AM

His car died and was going to cost more to fix than it was worth. Because he recently moved within walking distance to his crappy job, he doesn't see it as a concern. He won't be able to get a better job, which he claims to want, until he gets reliable transportation.

Taking the bus to my house is do-able...but would probably take a good hour.

When the car opportuntity came up, I thought he wasn't getting it because he didn't have the money. Instead, to find out he was getting it to give his son, who is turning 21 and still doesn't have his license anyway, was a tipping point to me.

He blames his lack of car for the relationship issues I have brought up for months...basically, we don't see each other much.

[This message edited by tabitha95 at 12:10 PM, May 15th (Wednesday)]

Crescita posted 5/15/2013 12:14 PM

He knows there are problems, he considers lack of car to be the source, yet he is doing nothing to remedy the situation. I don't blame you for feeling low priority. (((tabitha)))

[This message edited by Crescita at 12:14 PM, May 15th (Wednesday)]

tabitha95 posted 5/15/2013 12:35 PM

That's exactly it, Crescita. I feel low priority. About a month ago, I said I was a "footnote" to his life. He took great offense to that, but it is true. That is exactly how I feel.

He hasn't contacted me today. I have a feeling that we are both done.

[This message edited by tabitha95 at 12:35 PM, May 15th (Wednesday)]

Catwoman posted 5/15/2013 20:55 PM

Crappy job: strike one. Mothers are folks who find themselves in these circumstances, but the do not stay there.

Car issues: strike two. I can understand living and not having a car. That in and of itself is not the point. The point is that he just doesn't want to make the effort. Period.

I want a fella who will make the effort. After all, you do and would, correct?

Cat

wifehad5 posted 5/16/2013 05:53 AM

Please see this thread for the update

http://www.survivinginfidelity.com/forums.asp?tid=496322

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