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Newest Member: Else (61873)

User Topic: Just a "is this normal" question
♀ 38619
Member # 38619
Question  Posted: 6:38 AM, May 15th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Morning SI family. My WH and I are doing really well in R and, together, we are moving toward a better marriage than we ever had. There is one thing that is happening that I don't know if 'normal' or not and it deals with me responding to him.
If my H calls me and I don't answer the phone he gets nervous. If he sends me a text message and it takes more than 5 minutes for me to respond, he gets nervous. I've asked him about it and he says that he "can't help it" because he is terrified that one day I will decide that our marriage isn't worth all of the effort and I will leave him. I'm really not use to this type of insecurity in my H.
Is this insecurity in WS that are in R normal?

"If you're brave enough to say goodbye, life will reward you with a new hello." - Paulo Coehlo

Posts: 440 | Registered: Mar 2013 | From: East Coast
♀ 37044
Member # 37044
Default  Posted: 6:54 AM, May 15th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I see it as a normal phase for the WS once they realize the enormity of what they've done. Also RAs are real. It's his insecurity setting in. This phase doesn't seem to last as long as the BS's insecurity.

It's easier to fix an M than it is to fix a broken cheater but I don't see anything wrong with making sure you answer when your spouse calls or respond promptly to a text. A plan of action should be more thoroughly discussed between the two of you, especially where work constraints might interfere with communication.

R is no time for games. I'd find a mutually satisfactory arrangement today.

BW, R last 4 years of marriage out of 15... FINALLY, HAPPILY DIVORCING!

We are in R.

Posts: 698 | Registered: Oct 2012
♂ 31240
Member # 31240
Default  Posted: 11:29 AM, May 15th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Texts were a critical part of my W's A, so we don't text at all, but her insecurity is similar.

I think it goes with remorse and guilt - they wonder how anybody would stay with them, since they've just proved how lousy they are as people.

fBH (me) - 66 on d-day, Married 43, together 45 on d-day, same sex ap
DDay - 12/22/2010
Recover'd and R'ed
Most of us know only our own experience. That's not enough data to support a general rule that D, or R, is right in every sitch.

Posts: 17113 | Registered: Feb 2011 | From: Illinois
♀ 6864
Member # 6864
Default  Posted: 11:35 AM, May 15th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Is it normal? Yes, very much so.

They suddenly become terrified we'll do what they did.

Talk to your H about why you can't get to the phone or text & what is a resonable response time for you to return his calls and texts. Maybe if you are busy or in a meeting or something you can send him a 'code' that tells him "I'm sorry I'm busy but will respond when I can"?

♥ WINE - the other fruit juice! ♥

Posts: 36162 | Registered: Apr 2005
Topic Posts: 4

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