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lastnight, we got in a HEATED debate. I told him that I don't know if I was ready yet and he said that it is most likely not going to work adn I just agreed with him because it hurt my feeling that he was not trying to help me feel safe about coming back home.

Then we started to fight about money. I told him I am always paying out more money than him. I pay more for the kids, at the store, ect and it is taking a toll on me financially. Some how this pissed him off and the next thing I knew we were fighting about old crap. Then we were fighting about insurance. He still wants me to pay half insurance because he feels it is not fair that it comes out of his check and he is paying it. Well I paid for our insurance for over 10 years and never complained.

I was in awww about this, I could not believe we were fight about this crap AGAIN. Then I said you know what? Please clam down, you are getting defensive and I am not liking it. You will not talk to me like that and you will not control me anylonger. If I come home I feel like it is to be a maid and beckon call. I said ARE YOU 100% commited to this marriage and me? I got a NO. Not like you want me to be. I am still working on me. I said okay... I am going to go home now.

So I go outside and he makes a snide comment and I said see you always do that to me. Why?

Then he proceeds to say "My mom is and always will be the lady in my life" I will never love like I love her.

Then he says you will never know hurt like when you lose a parent. (she passed last June) So even in death I am still competing for his love. WOW! I told him that I know pain, and there is greater pain than losing a parent. And it is what he did to me for 3.5 yrs in my face. Why? because you lied to me, flaunted it in my face, betrayed me, decieved me. There is a greater pain.

And I left the house to go back to my apartment and have not heard from him.

So after all this time, we are back to this SHIT again.

Oh well just needed to vent. Sorry.

Seems to me God is showing the road you should be on. He isn't committed, not really. He isn't concerned with your feelings or sense of worth. He is a taker, and he took advantage of you being a giver.

Pay your portion for the kids and no more. Do not contribute to the insurance, tell him after 10 years he can approach you about sharing the expense.

Hon, back away, gain more strength and make him do the heavy lifting, if he doesn't you know where the road is leading you.