SurvivingInfidelity.com Forum Archives

dontknowanymore1 posted 5/15/2013 17:52 PM

ok, so I want out. I've made an action plan. I've made these before, when he's been physically, mentally or financially abusive, and never stuck to them, but this has pushed me over the edge and I'm hoping that by putting it on here, I might be more likely to stick to it.

Reasons, other then the abuse, I have given him a clear choice, its me and the kids or the pub, therefore, still having contact with her. he avoids the question, gets mad and then goes to the pub. I realise now, probably 4 years too late, that all I am doing by sticking with him, Is hurting myself, and allowing him to hurt me.

1) No contact starting Wednesday 15th may. I've no contact since this morning, and want to keep it that way.
I will not be telling him as he is a diagnosed skitzo(again sorry no idea how to spell it!), and letting him know my intentions will just encourage him to contact me, and further his harassment campaign.

2) Do things for me. I've already bought new underwear and have a lady coming round Friday to cut my hair. may seem simple, but this the first time my hair will have been cut in 3 years, as he deemed it an unnecessary expense. I will buy myself a new outfit, as I cant remember the last time I did this.

3) slowly build up my confidence, and learn that it is ok for it to be just me and the kids. I have been in non stop serious relationships since 16.

4) I will concentrate on school in the hope of providing a better future for my girls.

5) I am going to see my specialist doctor tomorrow, to work out a way to better manage my illness, with a view to getting a job in the near future.

I will stick to this this time. (just saying it again so it sticks in my head!)

[This message edited by dontknowanymore1 at 5:54 PM, May 15th (Wednesday)]

brkn_heartd posted 5/15/2013 20:23 PM

dontknow,
It sounds like you are on the right step to making a plan. No matter how big or small a step is, it is a step. Keep you eye on your plan and add a new step when you accomplish one. Stick to you determination.

Brokenhearted49 posted 5/15/2013 20:43 PM

You poor dear. I am so sorry that you not being treated properly. Sometimes life is a series of one step forward and few steps back. As long as you keep moving, you"ll get there in your own time and at your own speed. I wish you the very best and above all, keep yourself safe. Abuse is a terrible thing so take care.

Best regards and you go girl!

mysticpenguin posted 5/15/2013 21:56 PM

Love that you posted this for accountability -- hate that he's treated you this way for so long! No haircut in 3 years because it's an unnecessary expense?!?!? Let me guess though -- his haircuts were a necessary expense

Hugs to you! Keep us posted!

Skan posted 5/16/2013 13:45 PM

Good for you! I am a big believer in list-making. There's something so orderly about lists, and so comforting when you can check an item off.

dontknowanymore1 posted 5/16/2013 14:15 PM

thanks. I managed no contact today too except,,,,,,,,, when I was sitting waiting to see my doctor he walked in, to see his scitzo doctor. we had to wait in waiting room, he kept trying to talk to me. I just took one look at him and said if you want me to do this here, I will.
he shut up then thankfully my doctor called me through!

dontknowanymore1 posted 5/16/2013 18:23 PM

oh and ........... I didn't cry today! yeah, small victories!! I got angry, ive got confused, ive spent a lot of time in a trance thinking, but not one tear left my eye, got to be good right? oh and I ate an apple and a banana lol

cali1002 posted 5/16/2013 18:57 PM

Sounds like you are on the right track. Stay strong to yourself and your girls.