Thank you to everyone who takes the time to read all of this. I feel like my whole world has fallen apart and I don't know what to do. I sometimes feel like leaving her, but I would really rather restore things, if possible. My wife and kids are really all I have. I have dedicated my whole life to them and don't really even have any friends outside of my family. She is the only person I have that I can really talk to, and that is making this even harder. I appreciate any kind words and advice.
I am sorry for your pain, but you found a great spot. If you read the healing library (upper left , yellow box) it is a huge help.
Be ready, I know it will be a shock...but our cheating spouses lie.
it does match hers exactly
Happened to me and made me feel safer, until the other woman's husband broke into the other womans email and called me with the real truth.
They had coordinated their stories to be less than the truth and the same....ugh.
So most of us betrayed spouses find out more down the road. These cheaters seem to carry the same handbook.
We are here when you need to vent, bitch, yell...whatever. Many people and lots of views and support.
Take care of you and the kids and share when you need to. I am sorry your wife has sent you here.
Know that right now isn't the time for decisions. This is a roller coaster, so take the time you need to sort out what you want your life to look like going forward.
It's a good idea to find some therapists, you should both consider it, alone and later together to work on the marriage if thats the route you decide to take.
I am SO sorry that you are dealing with this heartache and I truly wish you strength through this long, difficult journey.
At this point I would be cautious about believing what your W is telling you. So often, especially so close to Dday, they lie or tell half truths. Sadly, you usually find out that there is so much more to the story.
and asked him for his side of the story and it does match hers exactly
Because the WS/AP are master manipulators there is a strong possibility that they formulated "their story" together.
Cheaters are liars. Do not be too quick to believe what AP say.
I too walked in your shoes, my whole world fell part and I had no idea what to do. I knew one thing for certain, if my WH wanted to remain in our M he would work day in and day out to fix his mess. I would tolerate nothing less than a 100% remorseful WH, working daily to right his wrong. I did not care what he said, I cared what he did.
For 2.5yrs my WH has been a model WH. It has been a terrible journey, the worst thing that has ever happened to me, with many dark days (and that's with a truly remorseful WH who took more crap than most). About 1.5yrs into it I began to believe that yes, I we would survive this and I began to actually recognize myself again. My world, although I have sad moments on some days, is for the most part a happy one. There is hope and there can be happiness...I wish that for you.
ETA: I agree with Karma, find yourself an IC as soon as possible. Mine was instrumental in helping me navigate through this nightmare.
[This message edited by RidingHealingRd at 7:52 PM, May 15th (Wednesday)]
The truth hurts, but I have never seen it cause the pain that lies do.
Karma and Riding,
I am planning to get into some kind of counseling, I've just got to find somebody to use. I live in a fairly small town and want to be careful about who I talk to.
fWH had ONS with High School Principal he met on Ashley.com. 08/25/2009
she was my best friend. I still can't believe this has happened, it's crazy.
It occurred to me that the emotional betrayal of the affair coupled with the pregnancy may have caused her to come clean about the affair 12 years ago. In which case, she may be telling you the truth.
On the other hand, she may also be testing the waters. If you are ok with the old affair, then maybe the fact that she slept with someone else this time will be OK as well.
I'd try to prepare for the worst. Have you thought about what you would do if the new child isn't yours?
Again, I'm sorry you have found yourself here. I will tell you, if you do find yourself in this position, the people at this site will help you. I've found this site to be a life saver. Or at least a safe, sanity saver.
Have you spoken with an attorney? You have rights and you need to know how to protect yourself. Even if you don't file, there is strength and peace of mind in doing so.
Others have already pointed out you can't trust anything that has been said. In my own experience, the damage control was already in place when I found out. Of course the stories matched. It was already decided by them what they would say.
I would suggest that you try to get a DNA analysis to verify you being the father. Some of our members who found out that they were not the biological father discovered in the state they live in they had a limited time to take action. I'm not saying what your decision would be if it were not your child but you need to know time lines for contesting. The bad news is some times the state automatically makes you responsible due to the fact you are married. Another thing to ask an attorney.
I might also suggest that you find a therapist that has experience with infidelity. Your church or house of worship may have someone on staff. You need to be able to let this out in real life. There is therapeutic value in being able to talk with some one and spew your feelings, worries and fear for the future.
Take care of yourself. Eat. Drink plenty of water. Avoid alcohol. Exercise. Sleep.