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stupidgurl (original poster member #36763) posted at 1:22 AM on Thursday, May 16th, 2013
I am not sure what is wrong with me lately, I have been having this feeling of just desperation and overwhelming fear, it is as if doom looms just around the corner, or the earth is going to swallow me up. I have a gnawing in the pit of my tummy, and I just want to cry every minute of every day. We have been fighting lately, and I am so scared he is going to leave. I had the A 5 years ago. I never looked back (NC or even longing for OM), I never ask my BH to "get over it", I give him full access to all parts of my life, I've apologized thousands of times yet still I can't help but feel like he hates me. I can't help but feel like he has always hated me pre-A and even more now. I don't know how to kick those thoughts and feelings.
me WW/BW-34
him BH/WH- 34
2002/3 (him) EA
PA(me)-Nov 2007
Tog. 16 yrs, Marr. 15 and counting!
Still R'd
cinnamongurl ( member #37879) posted at 4:35 AM on Thursday, May 16th, 2013
(((stupidgurl)))
I get the same feelings! I have become so jumpy and have frequent feelings of uneasiness and anxiety. I've been triggering about everything and seemingly nothing at all. Though I haven't got the mental strength to offer you any sound advice right now, I just wanted to send you hugs and let you know that you're not alone.
(Edited for typos)
[This message edited by cinnamongurl at 10:36 PM, May 15th (Wednesday)]
Me:FWS 42 He: FBS 43 and my heart
Together 22 years. We survived infidelity. "Healing takes courage, and we all have courage, even if we have to dig a little to find it." Tori Amos
CG
needhelp123 ( member #38109) posted at 4:44 PM on Thursday, May 16th, 2013
Sounds like anxiety attacks. I had the same issue and visited a psychiatrist to get an understanding about this and some other issue. Once I understood this I did some research on them and talked about them with my IC. I started to do some real soul searching and my BS handed me the book The Power of Now. I've really just started it but he does discuss anxiety and how that impacts us.I'm no philosopher and this book isn't an easy read but I think some of it is getting in.
I've come to realize that apologies, while well and good, are not enough. It may make you feel good and maybe even your BS. However, those are just words. What actions are you doing? I'm not referring to NC or access to your phone. That's the easy stuff. You really need to work on yourself. Do you like yourself? Are you just waiting for him to make a decision on what he wants to do? What do you really want out of your marriage and how do you get that? Maybe that's a way to put your thoughts into action.
Anyway, just wanted to say I hear you both. Good luck.
Edit: I don't mean to imply that NC is easy. For some it isn't. That's a generalization and I just vented about generalizations on an earlier post. So my apologies if I've offended anyone. All situations are different.
[This message edited by needhelp123 at 10:47 AM, May 16th (Thursday)]
Me: 47 BS: Cheerless (not giving her age)
DDay 12/31/12
30 days of TT WRONG - try 17 months
2 great teenagers
I had a LTA - EA and then PA. Escalated in 2012.
Never Giving Up Hope
The secret of life is to "die before you die" - Eckhart Tolle
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