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As far as I know, my whole story

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twodoves posted 5/15/2013 19:48 PM

WH and I met on my 21st birthday in 2006. I had heard about him before, he was friends with my cousins, but i was the youngest so i didn't meet him until then. A few months later we started dating.

Summer of 2008 we moved in together, and that's when the cheating started. Of course, i didn't know about anything until April 2013.

It started off with an ex girlfriend texting him. That turned into sexting. She gave his number to a friend of hers, and they began a sexting relationship too.

June 2010, we had just moved into a new apartment. He kissed me and told me he loved me before he left for work, and then texted me while there and broke up with me. I was devastated and moved back in with my parents. It was rough because my job was near our apartment, and my parents lived over an hour away, so the drive to and from work was rough. He kept telling me that he loved me, but had to work some stuff out. He was also telling his family and friends how much he loved me.

What he actually did, was immediately fly to texas to sleep with the ex girlfriend and the friend. Multiple times, without protection. He also bought them things. He told people he was in Boston visiting with a friend while he was there, no one knew. He also got a tattoo while he was down there. Turns out he ended up giving one of the girls herpes because he went down on her whike he had a coldsore. He flies back, starts sleeping with some broad he picked up at a bar, again no protection. We get back together the end of July, but he continues sexting the two broads from texas and sleeping with the chick from the bar. He doesn't stop sleeping with her until i move back into our apartment in September.

January 10th 2011 he buys an engagement ring. I only know the exact date because i recently found an old email to his mom, he sent her a picture the day he got it. His parents live in Texas, and they also didn't know about his trip down there. end of january we find out i'm pregnant, february he proposes, march 15th we get married because it's the only time i had off of work. Sexting relationships with the first two continue until a few weeks before my daughter is born, September 2011. Neither woman had any idea about me, or our daughter. I had a rough pregnancy and was on bedrest for half of it.

This is where it gets fuzzy for awhile. At some point in 2012 he resumed a relationship with the friend of the ex, i know for a fact it was prior to nov 2012. May 2012 he's away for a conference, i'm home alone with our 8 month old daughter, he has a one night stand with some whore that knew he was married with a baby. They don't use protection the entire time, and she slept in bed next to him.

March 2013, still sexting and having webcam sex with the friend of the ex, he begins an emotional affair with a woman at work over the phone who lives in a different state. They talk all day at work, he calls and talks to her on his drive home, they text and exchange pictures so much that it's almost 9 thousand messages, and over 300 pictures. End of March we find out i'm finally pregnant, we had been trying for months. He has webcam sex with the friend of the ex that same night.

April 23, 2013 (tuesday) is my first D day. I'm in my morning class, taking notes on my laptop like always. I'm currently taking my gen eds and pre reqs for nursing, and had been getting high grades up to that point. I click to open up my gmail because i usually leave it open, that's how my husband and i would talk all day. Except i look at the first subject line and realize it's not my email. He left his signed in, and the first email was a forwarded text from his phone that says ' i'm on my knees waiting for you to cum baby'

I walk out of class and call and confront him. He lies and lies, says they're forwarded from a friend. I leave class early to look at the emails, but they're all deleted within the 10 minute drive it takes me to get home. He continues to lie until i tell him i'm going to go to our provider and get his texts. Then he admits he's cheating. I'm devastated, and tell him to get his ass home.

The first thing he says after he gets home and sits down is that he had no plans on stopping anytime soon. He won't give me her number, is afraid to tell her the truth, she had no idea about me or our kids. I give him the option to stay and work it our or go to his grandmother's. he leaves and goes to her house.

I get workwhore's number and text her. She swears up and down she had no idea and apologizes. Answers some of my questions, and says things are over with him. I don't hear from him for days until thursday. I had already had bad morning sickness this pregnancy, but it gets to the point that i can't keep anything down, even water. Thursday night i end up in the er for fluids, WH says he wants to be there, but i say no, he's the reason i'm there. Also find out the baby is ok but there's a bleed around her/him. I spot for several days afterwards.

Saturday he's supposed to visit our daughter for the first time. He sobs and apologizes. Says it was the first time he ever cheated. I ask for his other passwords to his email addresses before he comes over. That's when i find the friend of the ex, and their messages back and forth. I call her, she's on the phone sobbing to me. She had no idea about my daughter or myself. She loved him, but he never said it to her. He never took off his wedding ring, but he told her that it was his grandfather's ring. I tell him i know about her before he comes over. He walks in the door and starts sobbing, holding our daughter. While he's there i get a text from the friend of the ex about his other email addresses he used to contact her. He tells me the passwords, i find out he kept in contact with workwhore. The days after i found out when he didn't say anything to me he was apologizing to her, telling her she's beautiful and amazing. She's telling him how annoying i am, and how she wishes she could be there with him. And to just remember the pictures she sent him. I text workwhore and tell her that she's an awful person, and no, she wasn't the only other woman. She wasn't fucking special. Friend of the ex asks if she can talk to WH on the phone for closure, i say ok as long as i can be right there. Before the call WH swears up and down that it's only the two of them. She calls after she gets off work that night. That's when i find out about his ex girlfriend, the first woman, and that he gave the friend herpes by going down on her with a coldsore. He ends things with her, and he's very cold and matter of fact about it. I continue to talk to her for a few days, she answered all of my questions and was very forthcoming. She also tells me that she believes that i'll be having a girl.

WH and I both begin IC. I tell him that i want him to go twice a week. The weekend before mother's day is his first appt, and he says it went well and he likes her. Thursday i take my last final of the semester, and find out that I actually ended the semester with a 4.0 overall. i'm so overcome with emotion that i just sit in my car in the parking lot for awhile and cry. The friday right before Mother's day i tell him that i want him to take a polygraph test, i get no response from him for a couple of hours, and then i get a long email detailing what happened with the chick he picked up from the bar, and the one night stand after we were married. I'm devastated again. He swears this is it, that he wanted to have everything out before taking a polygraph, and that he didn't know how to tell me. It angers me that he waited so long, and he didn't say anything until after i brought up a polygraph, but he wanted to wait until my semester was over. That night we start our trial period with him at home. It lasts through Monday, there's lots of tears by both of us.

That first night, after my daughter fell asleep ( she sleeps in bed with us), i just started sobbing uncontrollably. He just held me and cried, saying ' i'm sorry' over and over. That happens a few times throughout the weekend. As well as me waking up sobbing after dreaming about him and the one night stand, and he tries to touch me to comfort me but i won't let him. At night and early i the morning is the worst, i just imagine her sleeping in bed next to him.

This past Tuesday he moved back in, after i talked about it with my therapist. By staying here he sees the affect his actions have caused to both myself and our daughter. She's too little to know what's going on, but she knows that Daddy was gone for awhile. She still freaks when he leaves the room sometimes because she thinks he's leaving.

He changed his number already, and deleted all of his email accounts. We created a new one together, and it's connected to his cell phone. I check our wireless usage daily, and i check his email several times a day. When he's with me i read his emails.

I just got a call today from my OB's office telling me that i tested negative for all of the STDs they checked for, and that was a huge weight off of my shoulders. I was terrified. Not only am I almost 11 weeks pregnant, but i've been breastfeeding my daughter all this time. If he infected me with HIV or something both of our kids would have it, and WH has NEVER been tested.

That brings us to now. I'm heartbroken. I have a few weeks off of school before classes start again, and my mind is consumed with all of the OW. WH keeps telling me that he loves me, that he's not that person anymore, that he'll spend the rest of his life proving it to me.

God, i wish i could believe that. I have loved him for so long, and i was always completely faithful. Our families and friends know, and everyone keeps telling me how we looked like the perfect couple, that they're shocked he would do this. That they could tell how much he loved me just by how he looked at me. It just feels awful.

He keeps saying that they meant nothing to him, that it was just sex, that he always loved me. In our relationship i ALWAYS had to initiate sex. Always. And a lot of times he would reject me. A lot of times it felt to me like i was making him have sex with me, like it was a chore. Looking back now it's like he didn't want to see me as a sexual person. I even tried suggesting some role playing and costumes, and he'd always shoot me down without even discussing it. Yet it was so easy for him to initiate sex with these women. They'd even roleplay scenarios while sexting.

We have been sleeping together again, and it's been intense. It always felt good at the time, but i'd feel so awful about it later. I felt better after i read about hysterical bonding. It didn't make me feel so.. Crazy, i guess? I can't think of the right word. I just kept telling myself, what's the worst that happens, i get pregnant? I already am. I don't feel any closer to him afterwards. It feels good at the time, and then i just feel sad and heartbroken all over again.

I'm constantly comparing myself to these women, even the ones i have no idea what they look like. I just imagine perfect bodies, perfect breasts. The ONS woman made him hard without even touching. It just makes me sick.

Even when i have dirty dreams they're always about him. Our sex life wasn't perfect, i always wanted him to initiate more, but he just always hit the right spots. Even in positions i didn't like with previous boyfriends, i just loved how he felt.

I feel so foolish, and heartbroken. I truly loved him more every day. I used to think to myself how lucky i was to have him. He was so easygoing, and could always make me laugh.

I feel like so much of our life together is a lie. And now we have this beautiful baby girl who isn't even 2 yet, and another baby on the way, and I just feel sick, and sad, and lost, all the time.

I don't know how i could get through this without my daughter. I love her so much. I feel like i'm just dragging myself through the days, but i don't think i could even do that without her.

so, as far as i know, that is my whole story.

jjct posted 5/16/2013 06:30 AM

Hugs to you little sister!
These are the 4 pillars of successful R.

You requested a poly, and he unloaded more.
You might be "bargaining", telling yourself that what he's told you is 'all there is'...
I think you need to follow through for your own peace of mind.
If he balks, that will tell you something.
If he doesn't, and is willing, that will tell you something else.

Be strong!

twodoves posted 5/16/2013 07:31 AM

I thought about it some more, and i don't think a polygraph would be beneficial. It relies on physiological responses, and he's been lying every day for years without so much as a flinch. He' so comfortable with lying, i don't think it would make a difference. Of course, i haven't told HIM that

mysticpenguin posted 5/16/2013 09:22 AM

Something that sounded off alarm bells for me:

she answered all of my questions and was very forthcoming. She also tells me that she believes that i'll be having a girl.

It kind of sounds like your WH gave her a heads up to play nice and not spill all his secrets. For her to go so far as to guess the gender of your baby seems to me to be an attempt to win you over, to make you feel satisfied about your interaction with her, to placate you, to throw you off their trail.

Be careful.


[This message edited by mysticpenguin at 9:23 AM, May 16th (Thursday)]

twodoves posted 5/16/2013 10:39 AM

The friend of the ex told me a TON of stuff. Including giving me the login info for the email address they shared together. He also lied to her about telling me about the ex, and giving her herpes. The three of us talked with her being on speakerphone, that was definitely eye opening.

The whole thing about thinking i'm having a girl was kind of weird. Actually, the day before that i was at a restaurant, and the waitress walked up, told me i was having a boy, and to come back and tell her after i find out. I almost burst into tears because i am terrified of having a boy right now. My FIL cheated on my MIL when my husband was the same age as my daughter, so i'm terrified that if i have a son he'll continue the cycle.

The friend of the ex said that she has kind of a psychic ability. She had a dream about WH being engaged, and she called and confronted him about it and he denied it. It was during our engagement, and we were only engaged for a month. He confirmed that call happened during that time period when the three of us were on the phone together. After that is when she said she has a feeling that i'm having a girl.

Having two complete strangers tell me conflicting things about my child's gender within 24 hours of each other while both being very adamant about it was weird. I find out at the end of June.

anv5 posted 5/16/2013 16:51 PM

I wish I had some great wise words for you but I don't I just want you to know you aren't alone & make sure you are taking care of yourself for both your sake & your childrens. Try not to worry about the gender if you can help it ( I know easier said than done )I don't believe it is genetic I believe it is learned (WH's dad did the same thing...although so did his mom, it's NOT an excuse but it all truthfullness I know he never had an example of how to properly treat me w/respect, honor our vows etc but he still has to deal with the outcome because it was a choice) I don't think they deserve the *out* of it being genetic they need to own it. So even if you have a boy I know you will teach him to respect women ((twodoves)) good luck

[This message edited by anv5 at 4:51 PM, May 16th (Thursday)]

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