I started to record a pattern of when my thoughts ran to xAP and sure enough it was when I was stressed, worried and anxious about something. He being my "drug" would make it all better and it was a hit. I remember times when I wouldn't get my hit in the form of an sms or email or phonecall that I would literally start getting irritable and edgy. Couldn't concentrate and became increasingly anxious until the "hit" came.
IT WAS AN ADDICTION. What's helping me enormously is this site. I come here all the time and focus on me and my BH. Someone on SI told me I shouldn't wait patiently for the thoughts to naturally go away. I have to ACTIVELY do something about it. Be conscious.
For example the alcoholic needs to stay away from bars. Cut off with friends that drink, remove all alcohol from his home and continue going to AA.
Similarly we have to stay away from xAP online, cut out any mutual friends/contexts, remove all triggers from our lives and continue coming to SI regularly.
Someone on SI said "just don't think about it". I remember at the time thinking, well if it was that easy I wouldn't. Then I thought about it, actually I CAN control it. If he comes into my mind I at that moment have the choice of indulging further thoughts or diverting my thoughts or having self-talk of "get the fuck out, you're not welcome here".
I guess what I'm saying is if we MAKE ourselves MINDFULLY do these things, hopefully over time they will become automatic.
Don't know if I'm making much sense?
One suggestion is to start focussing on what is going well in your life right now. For me that has been helping along with putting things in persepctive.