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mike7 posted 5/16/2013 12:33 PM

I didn't put my story up because I thought putting it up would make it more real. It still seems like it happened to someone else.

It's up now.

She seems remorseful. Although, she says it only happened once. Not sure I believe that. Not sure I care anymore.

I was cruel to her at first. Now I'm not. This scares her more. She knows I'm ready to move on. She's desperate to reconcile. desperate. Lot of crying, pleading. I'm tired of that.

We have money. I'm ready to retire. I want to travel. I want to be with someone who hasn't cheated on me. Someone who isn't "broke."

She's been a good wife and mother. I'm prepared to give her more than half of everything (she doesn't work).

I'm just thinking of closing this chapter. I haven't because folks here suggested I wait 6 months or so to make a decision.

Anyway, I'm tired. I'm tired of all this..

wonderingbull posted 5/16/2013 12:40 PM

I know what you mean about feeling tired...

Sometimes an A is a deal breaker and that's ok...

I decided to take my own road and left the ex when I simply got too tired of the shit sandwich...

6 months for some works... Do what works for you...

WB

msteffan1 posted 5/16/2013 12:44 PM

Close the chapter....We both should...

dontknowanymore1 posted 5/16/2013 12:48 PM

I havnt waited 6 months! its not even been 2 weeks and hes out on his arse.
that would be because he isn't showing any remorse and refuses to stay away from the pub......she works there and drinks there.

do what is right for.

hurtininHouston posted 5/16/2013 13:44 PM

Tired is a perfect word. The knot in my chest makes me tired. Waking up at 4 in the am makes me tired. Mine is a little more apathetic. Some remorse. More regret. It is all a bunch of shit. I'd Ike a steak sandwich instead of the sandwich I've been eatin as well. If your there. Make the move. Don't wait 6 mos. I now think that you know whether or not pretty quickly. Lame is all I can say. I scooted over there is room in this boat with me........unfortunately.
hiH

1Faith posted 5/16/2013 14:24 PM

Healing from this - regardless if you stay or go is exhausting.

EXHAUSTING.

The constant thinking, fretting, worrying, obsessing, looking for clues, seeking reassurance, dealing with triggers, questioning yourself, question the WS, worrying about the kids, the finances, etc. TOO MUCH

So I totally understand where you are coming from.

I am in R but there have been times where I wanted to give up just to know what I am dealing with (starting over) and giving myself a break from trying to figure it all out. BLAH...it just feels BLAH...

6 months is a guideline. If you have any love left for your WW and you believe she can be honest with you is IC and MC an option? Just so YOU are sure.

Good luck Mike. We are all rooting for you.

5454real posted 5/16/2013 14:33 PM

The wait is recommended only for those who have doubts. Making a life altering decision in an intensely emotional state is almost always a mistake. The time is designed to get rid of the 'wish I would have' thoughts that will inevitably come later.(Wait or not btw)

For some, infidelity is an instant deal breaker though. What you decide is ultimately up to you however. We're here regardless.

One quick thought. Even if you file for D, there are always ways to stop the process, or decide to R afterwards.

Rereading my post, , I really probably haven't given you any advice, just stated options. Damn, sorry brother.

Strength

OK now posted 5/16/2013 16:17 PM

Hi Mike,
Sorry for the mess your wife has created. "She says it happened once" is just about certainly a lie; since the marriage is on a knife edge, her telling you it was numerous times and she enjoyed it immensely, wouldn't be well received. From her perspective you would definitely end the relationship and she's not going to risk that.

Have you thought about a separation before you start divorce proceedings; your wife is terrified of the marriage ending, so maybe give yourselves one last opportunity to find out if this feeling you have is permanent. She was a good wife and mother and giving her this small chance is some kindness.

A lot of the problem was virtually catching them in the act at your own house, in your own bed. Total lack of respect which is difficult to forgive and forget.

mike7 posted 5/18/2013 11:47 AM

thanks for the responses everyone. for some reason it feels good to vent here.

i'm with you Wondering Bull.

Oknow, thanks for your insight. i've already thought of those things. i'm not one of those BH's that live's in unicorn land with a princess.

wish you all a good weekend. do something fun.

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