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Euphonasia posted 5/16/2013 17:02 PM

Wayward H had an affair. I found out and confronted him. He went No contact although he was still talking to her on the down low. He met up with her a second time and has been Facebook messaging. I found out and confronted him. Serious shiznit went down and now my whole Prairie town and my family know, as well as my employer who is ubersupportive. Other woman won't stop contacting and harassing me. I have told her to stop but she continued and called me all manner of names. He wants to work on our marriage but I dunno what I have left. Contacted the police and they called her and told her to stop contacting me and wayward h. She actually started arguing with the cop!!! Told him he didn't know the whole story. Stupid woman. Wish I lived closer so I could have her served. So now on top of dealing with betrayal, affairs, narcissism, and harassment, I get to be in the spotlight. Outstanding.

jjct posted 5/16/2013 17:08 PM

In time, you'll be thankful your living closer wish wasn't granted.

He went No contact although he was still talking to her on the down low.

So he didn't go NC.
gently, face reality.

Euphonasia posted 5/16/2013 17:31 PM

I know. Sorry for not being more clear. I was trying to hurry and kind of cut a few descriptive corners. My bad.

Getting to Happy posted 5/16/2013 20:16 PM


jjct posted 5/17/2013 07:21 AM

No worries.
Sending strength.

Skan posted 5/17/2013 11:05 AM

Oh joy. Just what every BS wants to be in the spotlight.

Welcome. I'm sorry that you needed to find us, but I'm glad that you DID find us for support. If you haven't already, take a look in the upper left corner, in the yellow box, click on The Healing Library, and start reading. Also read any posts in this forum that have a bulls-eye next to them. I would especially recommend the "Tactical Primer."

Document every time this cra-cra OW contacts you, and get it back to the police and request a RO (restraining order). This way, if she continues, you can make her face the legal consequences of her harassement.

It's pretty common, right now, to be uncertain of what exactly you want. Please try to detatch from the situation a bit (in The Healing Library it's called the 180) and use this weekend to figure out what exactly you need from your WH to consider letting him continue to be in this marriage. Right off the bat, the first no-brainer is that there can be only two in a marriage, not three. He goes complete NC with her no physical contact, no emails, no texting, no looking her up on facebook, no passing comments thru mutual "friends," etc., or you will re-evaluate if you want to stay in the marriage or not. Figure out exactly what you need and what the consequences will be if he is unwilling to commit to those needs. Look at actions right now his words are just meaningless sounds because, well, he's a liar and liars lie.

This is a hard thing, but it needs to be done. You need to call your doctor and ask for a complete STD/HIV screening. He also needs to submit to one. And no sexual contact until after you get the results back. Even if he used a condom every time, even if he swears that there was no sex, because well, he's a liar and liars lie. I'm so sorry, this is such a hard thing to hear.

Please come back often for support. We are all here for you. (((hugs)))

Euphonasia posted 5/17/2013 16:30 PM

I have been lurking for some time and this is not my first rodeo with him, EAs mostly and Craigslist too. Made him get an STD exam, made him write a NC letter, did all of that and it didn't change a damn thing. He is an NPD liar, a dishonorable and dishonest cheat, and has been mad at me on and off throughout the day because for the first time in his life, his actions have repercussions. He has shamed himself and me so publicly that it has affected my work and professional life. And now he says he is honest. Sorry but I have heard it all before. It is what it is and I have yet to see a marriage survive the magnitude of this betrayal (I don't feel comfortable giving specifics yet). I feel like I am in the middle of a Jerry Springer episode.

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