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I feel so sad. 1st court date today.

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Jayne Doe posted 5/16/2013 18:40 PM

I went in there wearing my bitch boots.
I looked good, for me I was ready to stand up for myself.

But seeing him made me so sad. He's being pretty agreeable, I'm shocked, but I think I need to thank his attorney for that? He is really having to give up alot more than me.

We had a minute to talk before the lawyers followed us in. He had a hair sticking up & I immediately reached out to fix it, without even thinking about it. When the judge was talking, I felt like crying.

I'm fine, I've moved on with my life. But seeing him made me wish things were different.
I know he's different now, so am I. Just wishing things were different. Just wishing he would have fought harder to save our marriage. I guess there will always be a hole in my heart that belongs to him.

It's what he didn't do that hurts more than what he did.

dmari posted 5/16/2013 19:05 PM

(((((jayne doe)))))

kernel posted 5/16/2013 19:15 PM

It's what he didn't do that hurts more than what he did.

Jayne - that is so very insightful and a perfect summation of how I feel about this shit.

((Jayne)) Do something nice for yourself.

[This message edited by kernel at 7:16 PM, May 16th (Thursday)]

Jayne Doe posted 5/16/2013 19:15 PM

dmari - I don't think they are going to make me go thru that vocational eval :)

Seems like his attorney is trying to get him to get things moving along to save money.

I asked my L about it, and he said that it's off the table right now.

Jayne Doe posted 5/16/2013 19:17 PM

@kernel - it is, isn't it.

I could have forgiven him for cheating if any he gave me a reason to. He never really tried. And that's what hurts most.

hurtbs posted 5/16/2013 19:18 PM

Big hugs


You'll survive. It's a process. One thing at a time...

phmh posted 5/16/2013 19:20 PM


I only had to go to court on the day the divorce was finalized, but it was so much tougher than anticipated. He just sat, there, cold, as if he didn't even care. He didn't care, as he's a sociopath. As much as I promised myself that I would be strong, I was weeping the entire time. It's tough when you have a soul and morals.

You will get through this, though, and in several years, or even less, you'll find out how much happier you are without this level of dysfunction in your life.

Jayne Doe posted 5/16/2013 19:31 PM

As much as I promised myself that I would be strong, I was weeping the entire time. It's tough when you have a soul and morals.

It really took me by surprise.
I walked in a strong and steady as a rock. I walked out with a heavy heart.

Thanks for sharing and letting me know that I am not alone.

Sad in AZ posted 5/16/2013 20:23 PM

I understand; he didn't fight for you, for the two of you. That hurts. But that's what I meant by letting go of outcomes. You can't change him; you can't change what's happened.

You will get there. I didn't think I would, but it happens.

PurpleRose posted 5/16/2013 20:24 PM

Wow Jayne. Your post really resonated with me tonight. You really have summed it up in words so perfectly.

sigh... sorry for your tough day.

allatsea posted 5/17/2013 05:27 AM

This thread resonates with me too.
The fact she's never even tried to make it work. Dropped like a stone. 19 years up in smoke.

It's what she didn't do that hurts more. So true

roughroadahead posted 5/17/2013 09:24 AM

Absolutely true for me too. I could have eventually forgiven WH for the A. It is what he didn't do. I hadn't thought of it like that before, but it really resonates. He didn't fight. He mostly tried to cake eat and now wishes to ride off into the sunset with MOW.

Our marriage, our family were not worth fighting for.

[This message edited by roughroadahead at 9:24 AM, May 17th (Friday)]

scotslass posted 5/17/2013 09:34 AM

I know exactly how you fee. You put it so eloquently.

Just wanted to send you hugs.

Dawn58 posted 5/17/2013 10:03 AM

Definitely was the things that he didn't do that hurts so much. Never looked back, ever gave me or the marriage a second thought let alone second chance.

The attorney's are trying to set up a date for a voluntary settlement conference. Not voluntary for me as I have to go....I am dreading it. The thought of hashing out some sort of financial settlement is so offensive to me. The thought of him sitting in the next room sickens me. I told my attorney I do not want to see him at all that day. I know I need to do this, I need to make sure I have money to get me through this time, finish school and find a job. But damn it, this was not the way it was suppose to be. The vows I took with him meant something to me. I was committed to this marriage, damn it. He was more than happy to just throw all that out the window when his shiny, new toy whispered in his ear........

heartbroken_kk posted 5/17/2013 10:03 AM

It is what he didn't do. Indeed.


Dawn58 posted 5/17/2013 10:05 AM

Hugs Jayne Doe!!!! So sorry you are going through extra good to yourself!! You had a really rough day.

Jayne Doe posted 5/17/2013 15:23 PM

Funny - or not - it affected him the same way.

He text me last nite saying that he didn't realize how much he missed me, and that I looked great That made me happy!

We texted back and forth just a little. I think both of us knows that what hurt was the reality of it all. It's one thing to talk about getting a D but it's another to actually be sitting in the courtroom with your attorneys by your side. Been together 32 years.
How can that not hurt?

Don't get me wrong... nothing changed. It was just a moment. A sad moment. And a little satisfaction knowing that he felt it too.

Elaine2012 posted 5/17/2013 15:43 PM

(((Jayne Doe))) I was reading your comment to me last week and saw you had a court date yesterday. I looked to see if you posted about how it went. I'm sorry it was hard for you. None of this is easy.

I have a court date next Friday and I'm dreading it. I don't want to see After 34 years of marriage this is what has become of us!

Elaine2012 posted 5/17/2013 15:43 PM

Sorry double post.

[This message edited by Elaine2012 at 3:44 PM, May 17th (Friday)]

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