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So some of you may recall that WH and I were doing a legal separation. It turns out that WH has filed for D totally behind my back. Why, you ask? Because MOW has filed, of course!

FTG!!!!

On top of having to meet, again, with the VP at DS7's school, who may be recommending a placement change to a more intensive behavior placement.

If it's not one thing, it's another

[This message edited by roughroadahead at 8:50 PM, May 16th (Thursday)]

(((rough)))

How very mature of him...

I feel better now. It turns out WH is a moron. Or maybe his L is. He has filed based on a ground which requires us to agree. So if I deny in my answer, that ground is dead in the water.

I don't want to keep him by any means, but I certainly don't want to let him drift peacefully away.

roughroad -

I understand the bit about not wanting to let him just drift away peacefully. And you shouldn't necessarily.

But here's a thought. He probably wants the D to go through quickly. What's best for you is to get what you want in the settlement and for things not to drag on and cost more money.

So, use this as leverage. They tend to be more willing to give what you want and not fight about it at the beginning, especially if they are in a big hurry to be D'd and legitimize the relationship with the OP. Take advantage of that. Treat this like a business transaction - you want to get the most favorable terms for yourself, and minimize conflict.

I know the emotional side wants it to be painful for him. But trust me - it's much better to forego that and get a good settlement instead if you possibly can.

Believe me - he'll bring about his own pain just by being himself.

I am not concerned with the settlement. The only assets to speak of are the marital home, which will have to be appraised, and his 401(k). The division of the latter is controlled by statute. The whole thing is marital property, so no argument there. Most of the settlement has already been outlined in the sep agreement.