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cayc posted 5/17/2013 12:36 PM

Since I'm always posting whiney sad-sacky oh-woe-is-me stuff, I figured I better pony up what's going on right now. Feel free to remind me of it when I start complaining that I'll never meet anyone etc etc etc.

Last month was a bit of a downward spiral for me, I engaged in those coping behaviors that only harm me (e.g. eating compulsively). xWH is still pestering me via email, I'm still angry at what he did, and I'm lonely here in this new place surrounding by married people, single 20 year olds etc. Trigger city. I decided I'd cope by deleting my OLD profile, focusing on my lifting/crossfit workouts, and needlework (the ultimate in your face I'm staying home by myself move lol).

Anyhoo. Went to Crossfit on Monday and the trainer who I really like who's been MIA for quite some time was back. Evidently he was on a long summer vacay. I was irrationally excited to see him. And he walked right up to me and asked, "did you miss me?" in that nice voice of his. So help me god I giggled and said yes. And it's true! I did! I was so glad he was back. And so embarrassed at my month of excess (b/c I can feel the damage done). It was nice to see him. It reminded me I do need people. It wasn't until I saw him that I realized part of my torpor towards Crossfit had actually been missing his presence and encouragement.

And then! I logged onto the OLD site to delete my profile and a guy popped up into my feed (which means he lives near me) that idk, I clicked on his profile. And the profile said he didn't live anywhere near me but since he was cute, had interesting tattoos and a silly food preference/addiction that I also share, I sent him a note saying so. What was I thinking? That I was safe b/c he lived nowhere nearby? Whelp. He replied, and evidently is moving within a 2 hour drive of me, for a cool job (cool to me at least) and we've been chatting. And I talked to him on the phone, and we email constantly all day long, and and and, I'm really looking forward to meeting him in person.

And then! A colleague of mine, a male colleage who I find funny, approached me last week and told me that he had been made aware that I have an asocial streak and that it was important that my friends/colleagues rally around and not let me be a hermit. Seriously, he was reaching out in a nice way. And I like him. He was very helpful to me my first few days here at post. A super nice, polite fellow. Anyhoo. I thought he was married. But he said, let's go out after work one day and talk. So that day was last night. Evidently, he's separated and divorcing. We shared stories. We both have this job for similar reasons. It was a nice bonding moment. I felt heard and understood and he did too. Now mind you, he's *still* married so it's a no go for me.

But what is this embarrassing riches of attention? It all feels good. These 3 people. Usually attention makes me curl in on myself and engage in my crap coping behaviors. That really means it's attention from people I don't like and my gut knows it but my head hasn't caught up with it yet.

But these 3 people? Not a flicker of bad coping behaviors raising their head. When that OLD guy asked to call the first time, I was excited nervous, not annoyed nervous. Last night at dinner, it felt like hanging out with an old friend. At the gym, the trainer makes me feel good and makes me want to try and enjoy myself.

No clue where any of this is going. But it feels good. And in the spirit of positive NB things, I thought I'd share.

Sad in AZ posted 5/17/2013 12:44 PM

All I have to say is

But your title...

k94ever posted 5/17/2013 12:52 PM



jo2love posted 5/17/2013 13:02 PM

Love it!!

Your title made me think of Scooby Doo.

Spirit13 posted 5/17/2013 13:21 PM

that sounds so great... enjoy your embarrassment of riches!

Crescita posted 5/17/2013 13:25 PM

Great update yay! So excited that you are starting to settle in and feel comfortable in your surroundings, and allow yourself to appreciate a little attention

cayc posted 5/17/2013 13:29 PM

Your title made me think of Scooby Doo.

With good reason, I was saying it in Scooby's voice! lol

persevere posted 5/17/2013 13:38 PM

That's so cool cayc!

wonderingbull posted 5/17/2013 14:00 PM


Amazonia posted 5/17/2013 14:32 PM

It's good to have people.

NaiveAgain posted 5/17/2013 15:00 PM

Have fun and enjoy yourself!

FaithFool posted 5/17/2013 15:37 PM

Sounds like the poles on the shit magnet are reversing.

MyVoice posted 5/17/2013 16:30 PM

jo2love posted 5/17/2013 17:14 PM

With good reason, I was saying it in Scooby's voice! lol

nowiknow23 posted 5/18/2013 10:49 AM

Sounds like the poles on the shit magnet are reversing.

cayc - This post is making me smile so goofily. Yay for positive interactions! Yay for overcoming the negative coping behaviors!

Just... YAY!!!

inhishands55 posted 5/19/2013 00:25 AM

Enjoy all the extra attention...It is so nice to feel special....

dlmos posted 5/19/2013 07:40 AM

cayc posted 5/19/2013 07:41 AM

Yes I have to admit I'm rather smitten with OLD guy. Will likely meet him in person over Memorial Day weekend, so we'll see.

Not-yet-D-so-I-can't-date-him-colleague texted me yesterday while he was stateside and said "I'm at the grocery buying Ben & Jerry's, any partic flavor I can get you?" Oh. Talk about willpower to refuse the personal delivery of Ben & Jerry's Red Velvet Cake flavored ice cream lol!

So there you go, men AND ice cream. How can it possible get any better!

nutmegkitty posted 5/19/2013 08:15 AM

Amazonia posted 5/19/2013 10:55 AM

Oh my lord, a man who brings Ben & Jerry's without prompting? Keeper!

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