Cheating Hurt by Infidelity
Betrayal Wayward Donations lying



Find a Local Counselor

The Healing Library


Contact Us
Please visit our sponsor

In Association with
Infidelity -
- Forum Archives

like us on facebook
You are not logged in. Login here or register.
Newest Member: balvenie (47663)

User Topic: wayward trigger
♀ 16024
Member # 16024
Default  Posted: 5:05 PM, May 17th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

No biggie but thought I'd share.

After d-day, BH commented about how he knew something was up because of how much care I'd put into my appearance. Perfect makeup, etc.

So, just now he says to me that I'm wearing more makeup than usual today. (I wear very little makeup in general) I said, 'Really?' He said, 'Yes' and I said, 'It wasn't intentional'.

It made me feel bad because I didn't want him to think anything was up. And I went back to the old neighborhood today to have lunch with a friend, so I wonder if that is related to his remark.

The good news is that after almost 6 years he can mention it and now it's over.


"What the everloving fuck?!?!?!" -Solus sto

Posts: 42327 | Registered: Sep 2007
Darkness Falls
♀ 27879
Member # 27879
Default  Posted: 5:28 PM, May 17th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I occasionally realize I'm doing things that I used to do during the A (along the lines of what you're talking about), and I wonder if XH notices or if it triggers him.

He never mentions anything, but I get a clench in my stomach, wondering if he's reminded or if he's suspicious. Everything I do nowadays is on the up-and-up and there would always be a logical non-A reason for any of my behavior, but it triggers me too just the same.

Thanks for posting this. I'm glad you and your H are able to deal with this stuff openly and let it go.

[This message edited by heartbroken0903 at 5:28 PM, May 17th (Friday)]

Me: XWS, 33, 5-month EA/PA in '09-'10
Husband: XBS, 45
No kids

Married 2.5 years
D-day 3/6/10
Divorced 5/14/10

We remarried in 2014 on our would-have-been 7th anniversary

Formerly heartbroken0903

Posts: 2540 | Registered: Mar 2010 | From: Central Florida
♀ 37775
Member # 37775
Default  Posted: 7:59 PM, May 17th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I can relate to this.

When my BH and I are out and I put on lipstick, I feel the same way. I don't really wear it, but I like to when we go out at times. Yet, I also feel guilty. I don't put it on to impress anyone, more to make me look nice for him...

Progress is Good!

BH Tred
M 16yrs
DDay Nov. 2011

Guns don't kill people; Affairs kill people

Posts: 441 | Registered: Dec 2012
♀ 37091
Member # 37091
Default  Posted: 9:01 PM, May 17th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I wear dresses to my dance class and have been wearing makeup occasionally and my heart clenches sometimes because I'd started dressing up more in the build up to A. A coworker commented on it one day and I said no I was just feeling better about myself recently. I really had been feeling better but for the wrong reasons of external validation. Now I just try to look good externally on a regular basis for me and for SO.

AN I'm happy that you've made progress. It scares me that it might take 6 years but the year since I had A has gone by more quickly then I imagined it would feel. Coming up on 9 months since DDay which feels like its barely been a month.

Sorry I'm all over the place. AN I'm happy for you and your posts always give me hope.

Madhatter. Separated.

"There are times when our reality is nothing but pain, and to escape that pain the mind must leave reality behind." Patrick Rothfuss

Posts: 2995 | Registered: Oct 2012
♀ 16024
Member # 16024
Default  Posted: 9:17 PM, May 17th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

It's good to feel understood. Thank you all .

"What the everloving fuck?!?!?!" -Solus sto

Posts: 42327 | Registered: Sep 2007
♀ 31349
Member # 31349
Default  Posted: 1:14 AM, May 18th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

As much as we ALL wish that the triggers would disappear for good someday, I think this is a huge testament to how healthy your communication is now.

I'm sorry you guys had a fleeting bummer. I'm really glad you shared though - it's welcome inspiration.

Leonardi, my hair psychic, is always telling me how down to earth I am.

Posts: 22455 | Registered: Feb 2011 | From: California
♂ 38109
Member # 38109
Default  Posted: 9:26 AM, May 18th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I agree with Jrazz. Thanks for sharing this.

Me: 47 BS: Cheerless (not giving her age)
DDay 12/31/12
30 days of TT WRONG - try 17 months
2 great teenagers
I had a LTA - EA and then PA. Escalated in 2012.
Never Giving Up Hope
The secret of life is to "die before you die" - Eckhart Tolle

Posts: 92 | Registered: Jan 2013
♂ 35603
Member # 35603
Default  Posted: 3:24 PM, May 18th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

BH here. Hoping my triggers will disappear someday. A remorseful wife helps.

Posts: 130 | Registered: May 2012
Topic Posts: 8

Return to Forum This Topic is Archived
© 2002 - 2015 All Rights Reserved.