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Newest Member: Ibelieved (46047)

User Topic: Struggling with mind movies
savvy
♀ 39102
Member # 39102
Default  Posted: 9:07 PM, May 17th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Does anyone have any suggestions for the constant mind movies? Seems like everything triggers them for me. TV, books,seeing other couples , anything. I know they won't go away but anything to curb them? They are so intensely painful!,


me-BS (49)
him-WH (49)
2 children 21 and 19
Together 30 years
Ow-(30)and she knew me knew he is married.
D-day 1 4/24/2013
D-day 2. 7/9/2013. Day after anniversary
D-day 3. 8/12/13.
Filing for divorce

Posts: 135 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: connecticut
Tiredofthepain
♀ 37932
Member # 37932
Default  Posted: 9:26 PM, May 17th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

This is one of my biggest sources of pain. I have used many of the suggestions online, from here , from my therapist and some I made up. Sometimes they help and sometimes they don't. My newest one that was helping was whenever I "saw" him with one of the two hookers I know what they look like, was to put myself in their place, in other words, see myself with him, not them, it helps for a few seconds, but nothing seems to help but time I think. Wish I could be of more help.
Some of the suggestions I have tried is to picture the OW as hideous, picture them as an animal, such as a pig or cow. When the mind movies keeps playing let yourself watch it for a few seconds then pretend in your mind to flush it down the toilet.
For me, most of these only work for a second or two, because they are the true source of our pain so of course we are tormented by them, just another horrible aspect we didn't ask for.


ME-BS 48
HIM-WS 38
WS is SA, multiple visits to prostitutes.
Status: Hanging in there

I would rather be told a hurtful truth than a comforting lie.

Posts: 559 | Registered: Dec 2012 | From: NC
Jrazz
♀ 31349
Member # 31349
Default  Posted: 12:50 AM, May 18th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

It's not the most welcome answer - but time helps a whole lot in this regard. I know that this doesn't do anything to help with your pain in the present, but I wanted to start with that in the hopes that you can hang onto my reassurance that it won't always be a 3 ring circus in your head. It won't.

I tried my best to numb out with things that always entertained me in a very benign way. Dumb, funny movies I could trust not to trigger me. Mario Kart. Hiking.

Think about something you can fixate on that will help muffle the mind movies. With time and practice the movies definitely fade away.

(((savvy)))

[This message edited by Jrazz at 12:51 AM, May 18th (Saturday)]


"Welcome the rawness of vulnerability as an opportunity to open." - Pema Chodron

Me: BW 35
Crazz: WH 33
Daughter: 4.5 Going on 16


Posts: 18703 | Registered: Feb 2011 | From: California
stillcrying4ever
♀ 38310
Member # 38310
Default  Posted: 9:09 AM, May 18th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I still have trouble with this. Last night I just laid in bed and cryed and fwh came to bed later and it was over. I found what tiedofthepain said about the pig and cow very funny. I think that would help me.


D Day May 27, 2012



Posts: 186 | Registered: Jan 2013 | From: USA
LA44
♀ 38384
Member # 38384
Default  Posted: 11:51 AM, May 18th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

You are still very close to D-Day. But Jrazz is right.

Time does help but you have to do things with the time as well in terms of managing them. Whenever I did something for the first few times that triggered me, I would say, "there. I did it. I am still standing." I kept doing that. It make me feel strong inside.

I am not a violent person but when I thought of the Ow, I imagined kicking her in the head. This would happen often in the shower. Perhaps that is bc we are so open/vulnerable there. Anyway...it worked.

Hugs to you!


Me: 44
He: 47 WH
Married: 15 years
D Day: December 2012
Affair: Fall 2009 - Dec. 2011
R is not linear

Posts: 2677 | Registered: Feb 2013 | From: Canada, eh
hurtininHouston
♂ 39250
Member # 39250
Default  Posted: 12:36 PM, May 18th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

It is super hard the first few weeks. It took me about 4 to really get them to start to a certain degree. On here I heard of thinking about the best time you ever had with your spouse. Any time the MM start you think of that, whether it was good sex, day at the beach or anything happy. If you have kids, think of them laughing and playing. Remember, its done and in the past. It is not hurting them. You are in control, and don't let them hurt you any more. I know its easier said than done, but that is what helped me.

Posts: 63 | Registered: May 2013 | From: Houston
annb
♀ 22386
Member # 22386
Default  Posted: 1:19 PM, May 18th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

REDIRECT.....that's something I used to do when working with the developmentally disabled. A questionable issue/incident arises, redirect, redirect, redirect.

Time does help, but my point is to try to redirect your thoughts....when the mind movies really hit hard and just sits on your brain, redirect....put on some loud music, dance around the house, jog around the block, get in your car and drive to the local coffee shop, take a warm bath, call a close friend, play a game on your Nook or IPad....anything to redirect your thoughts.

It is very difficult esp. in the beginning, I'm so sorry, wish we could be of more help.

(((savvy))))


Posts: 7666 | Registered: Jan 2009 | From: Northeast
savvy
♀ 39102
Member # 39102
Default  Posted: 1:32 PM, May 18th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

All good ideas thanks so much I knew I could count on people here! No one can understand unless they have been in our shoes!!


me-BS (49)
him-WH (49)
2 children 21 and 19
Together 30 years
Ow-(30)and she knew me knew he is married.
D-day 1 4/24/2013
D-day 2. 7/9/2013. Day after anniversary
D-day 3. 8/12/13.
Filing for divorce

Posts: 135 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: connecticut
Topic Posts: 8

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