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savvy posted 5/17/2013 21:07 PM

Does anyone have any suggestions for the constant mind movies? Seems like everything triggers them for me. TV, books,seeing other couples , anything. I know they won't go away but anything to curb them? They are so intensely painful!,

Tiredofthepain posted 5/17/2013 21:26 PM

This is one of my biggest sources of pain. I have used many of the suggestions online, from here , from my therapist and some I made up. Sometimes they help and sometimes they don't. My newest one that was helping was whenever I "saw" him with one of the two hookers I know what they look like, was to put myself in their place, in other words, see myself with him, not them, it helps for a few seconds, but nothing seems to help but time I think. Wish I could be of more help.
Some of the suggestions I have tried is to picture the OW as hideous, picture them as an animal, such as a pig or cow. When the mind movies keeps playing let yourself watch it for a few seconds then pretend in your mind to flush it down the toilet.
For me, most of these only work for a second or two, because they are the true source of our pain so of course we are tormented by them, just another horrible aspect we didn't ask for.

Jrazz posted 5/18/2013 00:50 AM

It's not the most welcome answer - but time helps a whole lot in this regard. I know that this doesn't do anything to help with your pain in the present, but I wanted to start with that in the hopes that you can hang onto my reassurance that it won't always be a 3 ring circus in your head. It won't.

I tried my best to numb out with things that always entertained me in a very benign way. Dumb, funny movies I could trust not to trigger me. Mario Kart. Hiking.

Think about something you can fixate on that will help muffle the mind movies. With time and practice the movies definitely fade away.

(((savvy)))

[This message edited by Jrazz at 12:51 AM, May 18th (Saturday)]

stillcrying4ever posted 5/18/2013 09:09 AM

I still have trouble with this. Last night I just laid in bed and cryed and fwh came to bed later and it was over. I found what tiedofthepain said about the pig and cow very funny. I think that would help me.

LA44 posted 5/18/2013 11:51 AM

You are still very close to D-Day. But Jrazz is right.

Time does help but you have to do things with the time as well in terms of managing them. Whenever I did something for the first few times that triggered me, I would say, "there. I did it. I am still standing." I kept doing that. It make me feel strong inside.

I am not a violent person but when I thought of the Ow, I imagined kicking her in the head. This would happen often in the shower. Perhaps that is bc we are so open/vulnerable there. Anyway...it worked.

Hugs to you!

hurtininHouston posted 5/18/2013 12:36 PM

It is super hard the first few weeks. It took me about 4 to really get them to start to a certain degree. On here I heard of thinking about the best time you ever had with your spouse. Any time the MM start you think of that, whether it was good sex, day at the beach or anything happy. If you have kids, think of them laughing and playing. Remember, its done and in the past. It is not hurting them. You are in control, and don't let them hurt you any more. I know its easier said than done, but that is what helped me.

annb posted 5/18/2013 13:19 PM

REDIRECT.....that's something I used to do when working with the developmentally disabled. A questionable issue/incident arises, redirect, redirect, redirect.

Time does help, but my point is to try to redirect your thoughts....when the mind movies really hit hard and just sits on your brain, redirect....put on some loud music, dance around the house, jog around the block, get in your car and drive to the local coffee shop, take a warm bath, call a close friend, play a game on your Nook or IPad....anything to redirect your thoughts.

It is very difficult esp. in the beginning, I'm so sorry, wish we could be of more help.

(((savvy))))

savvy posted 5/18/2013 13:32 PM

All good ideas thanks so much I knew I could count on people here! No one can understand unless they have been in our shoes!!