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Its been a little over 4 weeks since dday for me. I have a 3 and 2 year old. Daddy is still seeing his married also ow. I wanted to fix it for the kids, he wants nothing to do with R. He has had playdates with her kid and my kids (which was extremely painful). He has been incredibly hurtful, telling me he will make this as difficult as possible. We are all still living in the same house. We have split the checking accts, cars, house is on the market, and I have purchased a new house that I will move to in 2 weeks. Tonight my 3 year old was asking, are you going to sleep in your bed? Is Daddy going to sleep in your bed? And why not? I have told him Mom and Dad want to live in separate houses, but both love him very much. I miss my life. I miss my security. I can't wait to move, but don't want to not see my kids everyday. I feel almost like I am disconnecting from them a bit just so I can survive not seeing them daily. Hired the best lawyer in the city and am looking at a monthly 20/10 day split hopefully. Is that right though? My kids love their dad. Am I using them as leverage and being selfish. I didn't get to pick any of this and hate that he has put me in this position. Any advice would be greatly appreciated!

No advice here. I have a four year old and two year old.

I told my daughter (then three) the same thing when we were fighting and he moved into another bedroom. I think you've explained it enough.

My kids fight (normal) and my WH and I are trying to reconcile. I explained it as "mom and dad fight just like you and your brother, but we still love each other, and we still love you. It isn't your fault we fight. But we need to go to time out for a while for fighting. Grown up time out means living apart. "

Be sure to remind him it's not his fault.

What you told him is good. As for the custody, no you are not doing anything wrong. If he wanted to see them more, he'd stay with his family and not play house with OW, who has her own family that will likely be ruined by their actions. Sounds like WH is a train crash right now, and you and your kids can live a normal life together and he can have his standard visits.

No advice with the children.

I just wanted to offer my support. Yes, I think you're doing the right thing with the lawyer, etc.

The other thing you need to do is tell your husband's married girlfried's husband what is going on. he deserves to know. And remember, whatever your H has told you is most likely a lie. And whatever she has told your H is probably a lie too. (her H is abusive, he already knows, etc.)

Um..what??!! He has already introduced his whore to his little kids..and he is still living with mommy??

This is abusive. It's mindfucking the kids...they have to be so confused.

He is having an affair right in front of you and putting your kids in the middle. Tell him to GTFO. File,and have him removed from the home.

His behavior,especially with the kids,is appalling.

^^^ I agree with this too.

have your shark attorney request a hearing so you can ask the judge to order your H to keep your children away from the OW and her children.

He should not be in the house.

When your kids see you crying let them know that someone hurt your feelings - they can kinda get that at age three - but tell them that Mommy is going to be OKAY and that they are the best children in the entire world.

Maybe draw a big poster that says that and get them to help you colour it/decorate it. Put it up on the wall.

Kids just need to know that they are safe and loved.

Bless you.