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Topic: To wish impossible things

libertyrocks
♀ 38924
Member # 38924

Posted: 9:16 AM, May 18th (Saturday), 2013

Finally cried myself to sleep last night. Hadn't cried in weeks. I think of all those times he wasn't around, the times he didn't want to be around us, the times he told me he didn't care about me, the many times he wouldn't kiss me back, the times I was taking care of our newborns alone, both of them. This continued for 3 years up until 6 months ago.

Things are great now, he's truly remorseful and very supportive now.

I'm still so crushed inside. I think of all those girls he took out and it makes me sick.

Like everyone else I wish this would have never happened.

Guess, I'm having a bad day.

Me-BW 36. STBXH-35,Recovering Alcoholic, M6yrs T13. Boys 2 & 4 1/2.
DDay #1 Nov,2012. 1 1/2 year false R & TT. 10 OW PA's 1LTA (W lied to) 3 years.
S Nov, 2013 again Jan,2014
Filed for D Feb,2014.

Posts: 962 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: So Cal, baby. :)

GraceisGood
♀ 17686
Member # 17686

Posted: 11:15 AM, May 18th (Saturday), 2013

(((((((((libertyrocks))))))))

Grace

We have a tendency to think the love offered us is a reflection of our worth and value.But in actuality,it's a reflection of the person that is giving it.We love out of who WE are-not because of who the receiver is.At least in terms of real love.TSMF

Posts: 3503 | Registered: Jan 2008 | From: how far the east is from the west

LA44
♀ 38384
Member # 38384

Posted: 11:42 AM, May 18th (Saturday), 2013

Yes,of course. YOu need lots of virtual hugs today LR!

You have cried yourself to sleep - they are all dry now but I know a million more run inside of you. I get it.

Do something good for you today.

Me: 44
He: 47 WH
Married: 15 years
D Day: December 2012
Affair: Fall 2009 - Dec. 2011
R is not linear

Posts: 2975 | Registered: Feb 2013 | From: Canada, eh

Patchy
♀ 39228
Member # 39228

Posted: 12:28 PM, May 18th (Saturday), 2013

(((((((libertyrocks))))))))

We feel your pain, girl. Hang in there.

Me BS 44
Him FWS 45
Married 23 Years
DDay 1 July 2012
DDay 2 Christmas Day 2013 same woman
EA with kissing, very strong bond and talk of leaving spouses for each other.

Posts: 93 | Registered: May 2013

RoadtoPeace
♀ 39141
Member # 39141

Posted: 12:35 PM, May 18th (Saturday), 2013

(((libertytocks)). God do I know exactly how you feel. All I can say is let the feelings and tears flow through you. We are here for you.

me - BS
him - WH
Married 5 1/2 years
Dday#1 - 10/2009
Dday#2 - 3/2013
Status - He wants R, I am not sure I can get on that ride again

Posts: 41 | Registered: Apr 2013

catlover50
♀ 37154
Member # 37154

Posted: 12:38 PM, May 18th (Saturday), 2013

((((libertyrocks)))). What a waste. But the only way to go is forward.

I hope tomorrow is a better day.

Dday -9/24/2012
Reconciling

Posts: 1877 | Registered: Oct 2012 | From: northeast

Skan
♀ 35812
Member # 35812

Posted: 4:17 PM, May 18th (Saturday), 2013

Such a waste of time, wasn't it ... Time that can never be recovered. (((hugs)))

Imagine a ship trying to set sail while towing an anchor. Cutting free is not a gift to the anchor. You must release that burden, not because the anchor is worthy, but because the ship is.

D-Day, June 10, 2012

Posts: 5569 | Registered: Jun 2012 | From: So California

scaredyKat
♀ 25560
Member # 25560

Posted: 10:18 PM, May 18th (Saturday), 2013

I hear you, honey. I feel that way, too. My SAfWH keeps telling me that he wants to make up for it in our present and future but it's so hard not to have resentment and regret.

Hugs to you. I hope you feel better soon...

Me-BS-60
HIM-SAFWH-63
Damn autocorrect is responsible for the silly errors, sorry!

Posts: 4091 | Registered: Sep 2009 | From: In my head

libertyrocks
♀ 38924
Member # 38924

Posted: 3:08 PM, May 20th (Monday), 2013

Hugs and kisses to everyone.

Thank you.

Me-BW 36. STBXH-35,Recovering Alcoholic, M6yrs T13. Boys 2 & 4 1/2.
DDay #1 Nov,2012. 1 1/2 year false R & TT. 10 OW PA's 1LTA (W lied to) 3 years.
S Nov, 2013 again Jan,2014
Filed for D Feb,2014.

Posts: 962 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: So Cal, baby. :)

SoVerySadNow
♀ 36711
Member # 36711

Posted: 3:44 PM, May 20th (Monday), 2013

Yes, time he wasted---
(((LR)))

[This message edited by SoVerySadNow at 3:44 PM, May 20th (Monday)]

Me:BW
Him:WH
D-day(s),after years of TT and Gaslighting was Labor Day Weekend 2012, continuing for a week after. *Dammit! More TT 3/9/13
Really trending toward D- planning about it is my "happy place" now.

Posts: 1292 | Registered: Sep 2012 | From: Sunny Florida

crazyblindsided
♀ 35215
Member # 35215

Posted: 5:33 PM, May 20th (Monday), 2013

he wants to make up for it in our present and future but it's so hard not to have resentment and regret.

Yes this ^ is the hard part for me. How do you not develop resentment after an A. I have all kinds of resentment and then half of the time I regret not kicking WS out on 1st DDay.

BS/FWS (me):40 Madhatter
WS/BS:42 Serial Cheater
Together 18 years, Married 13
DD(10) DS(7)
DDay(s) 5/08 OW1, 5/09 OW1, 3/30/12 OW2
Final Dday 7/11/14 Same OW2

Posts: 2354 | Registered: Apr 2012 | From: California

Topic Posts: 11

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