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Newest Member: Phoenix2rise (45723)

User Topic: Still failing
Strydr
♂ 38967
Member # 38967
Default  Posted: 7:14 PM, May 18th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Three days out of SAA. I failed to tell my BS about something that the OW had given me. I was intended and did sell it at a charity auction. She saw it...asked if it was from OW. I said yes. But I failed yet again. I was very ugly when I had brought it home. And my BS did not like it. Now my trust which was near none is back to none. I threw away my one day chip . I bought the OW. A ring from my BSs favorite store. I did not mention that. I am a liar by omission and a liar. I hope to start day 1 again next week.

I am a se addict and hope to get better


"Look up, Get up, and never Give up.."
--Rev. T.D. Jakes (Potter's House) said to Michael Irvin ( Dallas Cowboys) when he was a WS.

Posts: 24 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: Texas
Strydr
♂ 38967
Member # 38967
Default  Posted: 8:13 PM, May 18th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Please. WSs help me. Any tools any help. I am losing my BS. And am trying so hard to. Do right and be honest. But I fell and am begging for what others tha lived lies did to break this hell I lived and am trying to end so II stop hurting the only woman that I love and has loved me unconditionally thought hurt pain and hell.

I just started SAA and am trying to break my life long addiction and lies and manipulation.

Please help me


"Look up, Get up, and never Give up.."
--Rev. T.D. Jakes (Potter's House) said to Michael Irvin ( Dallas Cowboys) when he was a WS.

Posts: 24 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: Texas
hardlessons
♂ 35025
Member # 35025
Default  Posted: 8:35 PM, May 18th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

read, IC, SI, over and over. Have you done a timeline?


Me WH
Wife Tired Girl
3 adult sons
"a wayward...annnnd just a tad betrayed."

Posts: 880 | Registered: Mar 2012 | From: Arizona
heartbroken0903
♀ 27879
Member # 27879
Default  Posted: 8:51 PM, May 18th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Are you in possession of anything else that has any connection to OW? If so, does your BS know it? If not, when will you tell her?

Is your BS being clear with her requests/requirements for R? If she is, what is causing you to disregard these things?


Me: XWS, 30s, 5-month EA/PA in '09-'10
Husband: XBS, 40s
No kids

Married 2.5 years
D-day 3/6/10
Divorced 5/14/10

We remarried in 2014.


Posts: 2316 | Registered: Mar 2010 | From: the cat's meow
badchoice
♂ 35566
Member # 35566
Default  Posted: 8:53 PM, May 18th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Are you going to meetings? Doing outreach calls when you struggle? Are you following a program, reading program materials?

Are you doing a 90 in 90 program?

If you are active in SAA or any program for that matter it is all laid out for you, you just have to choose to do it.


Living authentically is a choice you have to make and not just once, but every moment. Things are going to come up and make you want to call into your old ways because at first the old ways are so much easier. Choose truth, choose honesty. Choose it again and again. It's like working out a muscle, it gets stronger with time and practice.

Like hardlessons asked, have you started or done a timeline? That is a start.


Me: fWH/BH 46

Separated transitioning to D


Posts: 730 | Registered: May 2012 | From: L.A.
Strydr
♂ 38967
Member # 38967
Default  Posted: 9:17 PM, May 18th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

The OW gave my BS the timeline. I am reading seed addiction book. I went to my first SAA meeting last week and my first marriage counseling appt and see my psycharitrist on next week and hopefully a new individual counselor. I have nothing else of hers I thought I could rise money for the charity would make something positive come from my betrayed. But in not disclosing it to my BS when she asked time and again if there was anything else I omitted it though I swear I had no desire to hang on to
It. Keep it a little longer or have one scrap of attachment to it. I just hoped something good could come from my betrayal. But in not telling BS I betrayed her trust again. She is very clear and there is nothing else. I even threw away ny clothes I had from my company that might act as a trigger or anything. I want this gone and to create a real and good and loving marriage where my BS can truly trust me again and I not let her down.
I just started Sex Addicts Annonomous last week. My first meeting of this 12 step program that I know has no end date. I am and will always be. Recovering sex addict. I reached out to my sponsor tonight but have not heard back yet.
Maybe I am not understanding a timeline I will look.

You. Have no idea how bad I want to do anything I possibly can to win my BSs love again and trust.

She thinks I am here because I have severe cataplexy that looks like Parkinson's disease when it's triggered if I don't just pass out.
This disease is just part of my penance that there is no cure for.
But now she is riddled with habing to watch me. Just typing this is very hard as the ipad is shaking as I type.

She deserves better than who I was
But I swear I will be the man she deserves and so much more for beyond this life and the next.


"Look up, Get up, and never Give up.."
--Rev. T.D. Jakes (Potter's House) said to Michael Irvin ( Dallas Cowboys) when he was a WS.

Posts: 24 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: Texas
Strydr
♂ 38967
Member # 38967
Default  Posted: 9:33 PM, May 18th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Worest is my stripping my BS of her favorite jeweler from since she was young. We got our wedding rings from.

I've robbed her of everything


"Look up, Get up, and never Give up.."
--Rev. T.D. Jakes (Potter's House) said to Michael Irvin ( Dallas Cowboys) when he was a WS.

Posts: 24 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: Texas
HeartInADustpan
♀ 38341
Member # 38341
Default  Posted: 9:47 PM, May 18th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

BS here.

Living authentically is a choice you have to make and not just once, but every moment.

Yes!!

Worest is my stripping my BS of her favorite jeweler from since she was young.

Yes again. It has been horrid the things I can't bring myself to watch, do or go to now. It hurts terribly bad. Very gently, you may feel bad for taking those things away from her, but having to live without them is worse.

I honestly wouldn't believe anything that would come out of any of my WH AP's mouth. Writing a timeline is something you need to do for your relationship. I could never in a million years begin to heal and trust my WH if all the information I received was from a 3rd party.

Hang in there and good luck.


Just call me Heart. :)
Reconciling
"If you tell the truth, you don't have to remember anything" ~Mark Twain

Posts: 379 | Registered: Feb 2013 | From: St. Louis
Strydr
♂ 38967
Member # 38967
Default  Posted: 10:20 PM, May 18th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Heart,
I validated the OWs timeline because she has texts and emails and anything and everything possible. It was a sex thing for me and I used the OW and lied and manipulated anyway possible to get my next high...
The OW is yes trying to break us up now. She's professed her feelings still.

I have deleted any email accounts even real ones or blocked her on the one email I have personal and my BS has access to everything and anything of mine. I would gadly be under house arrest while getting help to stop my addiction...stop my lying...and stop hurting my BS.
I want to do and be her everything god I do and am trying. The A was about sex for me and I remember things but I can't compete against the OW having every for of communication verbatim...all I could do is say if it's there then I did it. I try to give full disclosure. I omit. I get caught or later admit something...and then I'm at ground zero again. I have done this all my life. My mother did it. I took it on from there. No regard for anyone or anything if it got in the way of what we wanted to do.
I'm trying to find the timeline info on here and appreciate guidance.
I am desperate because she is the love of my life and I have trashed everything and I stand at the cliff of losing her. And I'm willing to do the work.


"Look up, Get up, and never Give up.."
--Rev. T.D. Jakes (Potter's House) said to Michael Irvin ( Dallas Cowboys) when he was a WS.

Posts: 24 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: Texas
outtanowhere
♀ 39001
Member # 39001
Default  Posted: 10:57 PM, May 18th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Strydr,

I too am the BS of a sex addict. I only found out 3 months ago about the things my SAWH has been doing for the last 14 years so the pain is pretty fresh.

I hear the pain in your words but it is your actions that will speak loudly to your BS. As if hooking up with whores from Craigslist & Backpage wasn't enough, my SAWH has twisted the knife by lying over & over. In all honesty, that is the killer of any relationship.

I hope you can stand firm in your commitment to stay the course for recovery. If your wife us as important as you say she is then she will be your focus & that should help you choose to do the right thing by her.

Good luck to you.


BS - 58
SAWH - 61 multiple encounters with prostitutes and other sex workers
Married 38 years
Dday - 2/19/13 - found the emails
He promised me Heaven then put me thru hell

Posts: 776 | Registered: Apr 2013
Strydr
♂ 38967
Member # 38967
Default  Posted: 11:03 PM, May 18th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Outta,

God bless you and your kindness... I pray for you and your SAWH.

I selfishly do want to be honest but there is selfishness in wanting it t be over and done with...so I can go forward and try to be her man again. So I can continue recovery. And show her every every every day that she is not a fool or idiot and that she is the love of my life and make her especially feel it every second she breathes.

Bless you


"Look up, Get up, and never Give up.."
--Rev. T.D. Jakes (Potter's House) said to Michael Irvin ( Dallas Cowboys) when he was a WS.

Posts: 24 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: Texas
Topic Posts: 11

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